I'm Not Loving The NFL Rule Where You're Allowed To Assault A Guy If His Name Starts With A "Gronk" And Ends With An "Owski"

I wanted to say they can rape Gronk because that’s exactly what’s happening here, but I’m a pussy and thought it was a little too inflammatory for the bold print. Nonetheless, that’s an assault we just witnessed. Not a little penalty that’s easy to miss, a twelve-or-so yard assault. Perhaps even a sexual one, I think I saw some attempted ass play there but I can’t be sure. To make it worse, this is a guy that has been flagged for four offensive pass interference calls this season, all surely in self-defense and merely an attempt at saving his own life. Is this a Shaq thing? He’s too big to get a call? Well if that’s the case then let’s stop with the niceties. Let the other teams shoot him in the head pre-snap, or maybe stick him with a shank like we’re playing in a prison yard? You’re Roger Goodell, after all. Don’t let Stern one-up you when it comes to winks at the ref, really lean into this one. Make it interesting. We welcome the challenge. “Can the Patriots go undefeated without their RB1, WR1, and their TE1 getting butt fingered on national television?” Let’s find out!