We Need To Tear Down The Internet And Start Over

I think its time to declare the internet dead. RIP Internet. You had a good run. From whatever year Al Gore invented you, to 2015. The internet used to be an awesome place to see people get smashed in the face with shovels and narcoleptic dogs and all sorts of awesome porn and illegal music. It was new, and fresh, and such a luxury people were just happy to use it. The first thing I ever did on the internet was look up the lyrics to Tha Crossroads. And I was so grateful to be able to do that that I respected the internet. And then came porn, and Napster. I was getting to see tits and listen to music for free. And I was grateful. And then came the humor. Blogs, videos, writers. Now the internet was your number 1 source of entertainment. And I was grateful.

Now its 2015 and I aint grateful for the internet anymore. I fucking hate the internet. What was once just this awesome network to get free shit and be entertained is now just a forum to whine and cry and protest and get people fired over shit you actually dont really care about. Fucking cups and sweaters and advertisements and made up hoaxes. Its a place where everything sucks and the things that are awesome turn out to be fake. Its oversaturated with hot takes and oversensitivity and it fucking blows. There’s nothing but trolls, drama queens, attention whores and fake outrage. You pop open your computer and instead of being entertained with the latest video or listening to the new hot song that leaked, you’re blasted in the face by protests and feminism and racism and politics and whole bunch of holier than thou garbage.

We need Ra’s al Ghul and the League of Shadows to tear down the internet. The same way they wanted to destroy Gotham because it had become a cesspool for crime and violence and needed to be corrected. The internet is like an empire thats grown too large and fucking stinks now. We need to tear it down so we can build it back up again to be funny. Go back to a simpler time. If I could snap my fingers and go back to Barstool 2010 I would. There was less money and success but the internet was fun back then. Your favorite Barstool blogger shouldnt have to spend his day being a journalist talking about racial and economic equality because hes the only person out there with a rational brain. We should be talking about funny shit thats entertaining. Take me back to the days when Going To Djais In My Car ruled the internet. Take me back to the Leprechaun In Alabama. For God’s sake take me back to 2001-2002 with Heather Brooke. Just take me anywhere other than 2015.

So this marks the beginning of Internet 2.0 for me. Not really sure what that means yet. I know it means I’m gonna stope blogging about outrage and the response to outrage and the outrage over the response to the outrage. The only way to save the world is to burn the World Wide Web to the ground and start over.

Or I recommend everyone stop being such a f*ggot

In the olden days I would have just said the actual word. Once the new Internet 2.0 starts up I will say it.