People In The Top 1% Are Going To Wealth Therapists To Help Them Deal With Having Way More Money Than Everyone Else

Slate- Therapy is not exactly a new age concept anymore, but wealth therapy is still sufficiently avant-garde enough to be open to ridicule. The Guardian did a (very earnest) deep-dive into the world of therapists specializing in helping the 1 percent feel OK about having much, much more than everybody else. You don’t need to read the whole article; you know exactly where it’s headed. Here are the key absurdist takeaways from the therapists to the stratospherically wealthy for the 99-percenter on the go. Therapist Clay Cockrell does gluten-free “walk-and-talks” with those facing “wealth issues” in New York City. “We are trained to have empathy, no judgment and so many of the uber wealthy – the 1% of the 1% – they feel that their problems are really not problems. But they are. A lot of therapists do not give enough weight to their issues …” There is guilt over being rich in the first place, he said. There is the feeling that they have to hide the fact that they are rich. And then there is the isolation – being in the 1%, it turns out, can be lonely. “The Occupy Wall Street movement was a good one and had some important things to say about income inequality, but it singled out the 1% and painted them globally as something negative. It’s an -ism…” “I am not necessarily comparing it to what people of color have to go through, but … it really is making value judgment about a particular group of people as a whole.” The media, she said, is partly to blame for making the rich “feel like they need to hide or feel ashamed” … “Sometimes I am shocked by things that people say. If you substitute in the word Jewish or black, you would never say something like that. You’d never say – spoiled rotten or you would never refer to another group of people in the way that it seems perfectly normal to refer to wealth holders…” People say: ‘Oh, poor you.’ There is not a lot of sympathy there,” she said.

Listen I don’t wanna sound insensitive to anybody going through any sort of emotional turmoil but FUCK THESE PEOPLE. I don’t even wanna hear it. Literally any other reason to go to therapy is okay but this one.  This is the only one that isn’t real. Sure, I’m guessing Puff Daddy and Notorious B.I.G. weren’t lying. More problems arise when you make more money. Everybody knows that. Family members start popping up outta the wood work, everybody asks you for favors, your entourage swells to 10x the size it should be.  All the classic things that have happened to countless NBA rookies and hip hop stars come to my mind. That would be stressful. But here’s the difference. We’re talking about two different kinds of wealth. These 1%ers who are going to wealth therapy (puke) have serious Fuck You Money. The kind of money where problems literally don’t exist. In any situation they can just say, “Fuck you” and instantly fly off in a hovercraft. Zero repercussions. It’s like the old Chris Rock bit where he points out the difference between Shaq and the guy who signs Shaq’s checks. That’s exactly what we’re talking about. The guy going to wealth therapy is probably actually the guy who signs the check of the guy who signs Shaq’s checks. They don’t need therapy. No situation is too dire that they can’t use money to get out of. They have the perfect life. They have nothing to cry about to shrink.

Oh and I’m sure this part made the LGBT community real happy

“[Wealth] is still one of our last taboos. Often, I use an analogy with my clients that coming out to people about their wealth is similar to coming out of the closet as gay. There’s a feeling of being exposed and dealing with judgment.”*

Yep. Totally. Coming out to the world as gay is the exact same thing as telling people you’re filthy stinking rich. Duh.