Encore of Drunk UConn Kid Trying To Get Some Jalapeño Bacon Mac and Cheese at the Student Union

In case you went to bed before 1 AM for some reason and missed out on the Youtube Event of the Fall…here’s an encore. Drunk UConn Kid Trying to Get Some Jalapeño Bacon Mac and Cheese at the Student Union. Basically a short film – a tale of a young college student and his quest for drunken jalapeño macaroni and cheese, full of heroes and villains, conflict and resolution, rising actions and a conclusion you never saw coming. Thinking about submitting it to Cannes.

The Villain:

Screen Shot 2015-10-06 at 8.42.27 AM

Our main character – Drunk Mac and Cheese Kid. The classic antagonist. Entitled and spoiled, we quickly find out in the opening scene that 1, he’s hammered drunk, 2, he’s very hungry with a craving for jalapeño bacon mac and cheese, and 3, he’s a total fucking asshole. Constantly dresses down the cafeteria manager, mocking him and belittling his job, even resorting to physical assault and spitting in his face.

A movie villain right up there in the ranks with some of the greatest in cinema like Hannibal Lecter and Darth Vader.

Of course it didn’t take long for our army of UConn sources to confirm that fact.

Screen Shot 2015-10-06 at 8.31.58 AM

Apparently Phillips Street, alcohol, Luke Gatti and late night weekends, make for a bad combination. Perhaps because he’s only 18-years-old, but still no excuse for such outlandish behavior.

Arrested two weeks ago on Phillips Street for disorderly conduct (which included calling a detective the N-word), this time around Mr. Gatti seemed to go out of his way to get arrested yet again on that same notorious street, and when taken back to the police station, assaulted an officer.

With his father looking on, Luke Gatti was arraigned this morning before Judge John Payne who set bail at $250, taken out of the $1,000 bail posted over the weekend to get out of jail.

Noting the arrest only two weeks ago Judge Payne said to Gatti, “I’m a little concerned you’re going to pull a trifecta before the month is over.” [Amherst]

The Protagonist:

Screen Shot 2015-10-06 at 8.43.15 AM

If Entitled Drunk Kid is at one end of the spectrum (pure evil), then Cafeteria Manager is at the other. One of the most sympathetic characters I’ve seen – calm, reasonable, respectful. Has his entire livelihood and existence shit on by a little drunk shithead and just stands there and takes it, trying to explain the situation and get him out of his cafeteria.

My only problem with him is that he’s TOO calm. Only took me about 30 seconds in to start yelling at my computer screen for him to just wind back and knock this kid the fuck out. Come on dude. I get it, he’s a wasted kid, you’re a responsible adult, you don’t want things to escalate and you probably want to keep your job. But there comes a time when a man has to be a man and defend his honor, and if that involves knocking a teenager’s teeth out so be it.

The Hero:

Screen Shot 2015-10-06 at 9.49.50 AM

Chef’s Hat…an unlikely hero, not the one that UConn Student Union Cafeteria deserves but the one the UConn Student Union Cafeteria needed right now. An alert viewer could see him lurking in the background just waiting for something to go down, some justification to bust out his high school wrestling moves when he placed 3rd at States, probably.

Got that “wish a motherfucker would” look all over his face.

Screen Shot 2015-10-06 at 8.56.11 AM

Finally it was go time, and he did not disappoint. Applied a flawless Full Nelson in lightning speed and put a quick end to an escalating scuffle.


From just wanting a casual bite of late night macaroni, to ending up flat on your back immobilized by a chef with his nutsack on your chest. What a turn of events.

Screen Shot 2015-10-06 at 8.44.07 AM

Supporting Characters:

Lady Chef

Screen Shot 2015-10-06 at 8.43.03 AM

Really wanted this kid to go outside. Kind of hoped the kid would swing on her – no, not because I want to see violence against women. Because I’m 100% positive she would have laid his ass the fuck out. She wasn’t playin around.

North Face Guy

Screen Shot 2015-10-06 at 9.05.24 AM

Dressed in all black, jumped right in there and wouldn’t back down. Got excited when I saw his character appear, thought for sure he’d be delivering some sort of punch or a takedown at least. Nope, just a calm talker, who unfortunately got mistakenly targeted by Lady Chef and told to go outside.


Screen Shot 2015-10-06 at 8.44.27 AM

“I’m so fucked.” Yeah you are dickhead.

But don’t feel too bad for him (ok, you didn’t feel bad for him at all). But maybe you thought ahh shit, he fucked up big time, he’s starting to sober up now and realize what a horrible choice he made and now this is going to go viral and ruin his whole life. Maybe he’ll just stand up and apologize and beg for forgiveness?

Oh. Ok, or spit in the guy’s face. Fucking loser.

Hope they brought some jalapeño bacon mac and cheese to his holding cell, placed it right outside of the bars, and made him stare at it for 2 hours. Then had the cafeteria manager come in and take a steaming dump on top of it and push it in for him. That’s my fairy tale ending, at least.