The Amount of Complaining About Not Having A Toilet In the Office Is Unbelievable

I swear to god our office is filled with the biggest crybabies in the world. What are we the fucking Indianapolis Colts? “Oh boo hoo, boo hoo we don’t have a working toilet. Dave won’t let us take a piss in his private bathroom. We have to walk to the gym to take a dump. Oh boo hoo, boo hoo”. Okay first things first. The toilet broke and I had a brand fucking new toilet in here 20 minutes later. Now the new toilet broke again or something. Hey that’s not my fault. I’m not the fucking toilet god. Shit happens (no pun intended but intended) But just because the peasant toilet broke doesn’t mean you get to use my bathroom. I’d rather you fucking piss and shit yourself than use mine. I’ve delivered way too many papers to let my employees use my fucking toilet. Yeah that’s one of the perks of grinding out a living for 11 fucking years. I get to shit with the satisfaction of knowing my ass is the only ass that touches the seat.  Delivered way too many papers to still teepee that shit every time.

So cry me a river about how you have to walk to the gym to go to the bathroom. I didn’t hear anybody crying for me when I used to have to literally clean shit out of my newsracks to put newspapers in them. I didn’t hear people crying for me when I had to run into bars, hotels and restaurants to take dumps in the middle of my 48 hour paper route. Now I got guys like Lady Feitleberg and his fairy bladder waltzing into the office at noon and complaining he has to take a tinkle 5 seconds after getting here. Bro I didn’t even take a shit during business hours for the first 8 years I started Barstool. No fucking time for that. More stomach aches than you can shake a stick at. But if I didn’t blog people died. So again spare me how don’t have a toilet. You get paid to blog for a living. I’d trade a billion toilets and shit my pants forever for that.