In Things No One Asked For Or Wanted - Rick Reilly Signs Contract Extension With ESPN

(Source) Through a new multi-year deal announced Monday, Rick Reilly has re-signed with ESPN to continue in his roles as an espn.com columnist and an on-air commentator.

Reilly, a longtime Sports Illustrated writer before joining ESPN in 2008, will continue writing his Life of Reilly online columns and report from ESPN’s Monday night NFL game sites as well as contribute to ESPN/ABC coverage of events such as golf’s Ryder Cup, the NBA Finals, World Cup soccer and college football coverage.

Says ESPN president John Skipper, in a statement: “Rick is one of the most accomplished writers of his generation.”

Its very rare that a signing can be deemed an ATROCIOUS signing the minute the ink hits the paper. Like most of the time we hate signings after the fact. No one vocally hated Carlos Boozer before the Bulls signed him, it was only after he tripped over a bag, missed the first half of his Bulls debut, and showed his true colors did we all realize he was just a tad overpaid. That’s usually how “bad” contracts go. They initially seem ok, and then with time the stink is slowly revealed until your stuck with someone for multiple years and no adequate out.

But this. This is the single worst contract of all time. This contract could be for 1 dollar. 1 single dollar and it was still Awful. And I’m not even talking about bad from an ESPN perspective. ESPN has proven time and time again that they are fundamentally out of touch with guys like us. That they’ll throw money at talent and shows that no one in America wants. No this is a bad contract because it means we will get more of this.

And this..

Or This

Or columns like this

(Link) Your game is awful. You shouldn’t even be allowed on the golf course.

Not your golf game. Your golf talk game. It’s lamer than your MySpace account.

Situation: A guy in your group is slower than osteoporosis.

Old:Today, please?

New:Hurry up, dude. Kevin Na wants to play through.

Situation: Your buddy hits a shot deep into the woods.

Old:Even if that thing were covered in bacon, Lassie couldn’t find it.

New:Even if that thing were covered in butter and sugar, Paula Deen couldn’t find it.

Situation: Your opponent’s putt is just a little too long to give.

Old:Still some chicken left on that bone.

New:Still need to see the birth certificate, Barack.

Situation: Your opponent has a three-foot putt to win the match.

Old:Miss it, Noonan!

New: Get it close...

And I know what you’re thinking. Just ignore him. Well I try. But Reilly at ESPN is like the fly in your house that you can’t get rid, only if that fly had a megaphone and the largest Sports station in the world backing it. Even if I try to avoid him I can’t. That’s why this is the worst news ever. Reilly just re-signed a deal to basically be annoying for the next 5 years. There’s nothing I can do, or you can do, or any of us can do. We’re all fucked. Spoken word poetry and shitty golf jokes shoved down our throats. Its unbelievable that anyone at ESPN thought this was a good idea even for one second. I guess they just don’t give a shit about reaching anyone under the age of 35.