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How Do Those Animals At Dunkin Donuts Sleep At Night?

Absolutely barbaric. I already have enough anxiety at DD trying to explain the order to my man Vishnu behind the counter. There’s so many miserable people in line starting their day of hell I just want to be as quick as possible before somebody goes Falling Down on life. I’m not even a big coffee guy, I just sometimes need that extra giddy up to not go back to bed for the next 20 hours. So usually I can deal with a little extra goodness in my Joe, but this is inexcusable. Asking for “Light Cream and Light Sugar” doesn’t mean make my coffee whiter and with more uppers in it than the average Trump voter an 8-ball deep. I want to drink something middle of the road. Not black because I don’t like my coffee like how that Cowboys hag likes her men, but something in-between. A Derek Jeter, if you will (No idea if “mulatto” is considered racist, but it’s 2015 and I feel uncomfortable describing a black person as black so, yeah, not gonna go there). Pick it up people. And how about we honor a free medium coffee on Monday even if the Eagles lose against the Jets. Again, it’s 2015, I assumed everyone gets something in return for just participating.