Tim Tebow Dating A Miss Universe Would Be A Complete Waste Of A Dick

TO – Olivia Culpo, best known as Miss Universe and Miss USA 2012, as well as Nick Jonas’ ex, is now being linked to former NFL star Tim Tebow according to our sources. We’re being told Tim and Olivia have been spotted together on several occasions, and in typical Tebow fashion, he’s not rushing to settle down quite yet says our source.

God, why must you smite thee? I feel, yet again, forsaken. No not because of my overall waste of a life or the man chosen by other rich, mortal, white men you to be your “voice on Earth” has made me a prisoner in my own home. You can’t walk down the street without being accosted by security and you’re unable to leave the Pope Zone without getting back inside. It’s freaking World War Z out there. I feel like I’m one of those nutshits on Doomsday Preppers with the amount of alcohol and canned tuna I have to ride this shit out. Nevertheless, the Pope dropping a Dirty Bomb on Philadelphia doesn’t compare to God completely wasting a dick. What good is having a piece if you can’t fire it off when a Miss Universe comes along? Time to throw this damn virgin in a volcano.