NFL Rewind Monday Morning Rewind - NFC

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Beard coming in nicely, Joe. You’ll be a big boy soon enough!

 

Texans 17, Panthers 24

 

I think this is what Josh McCown was going for last week.

 

I have an honest question. Is there a more cocky quarterback who han’t accomplished a single thing in his entire career than Ryan Mallet? I’m all for mocking Cam Newton but Ryan, you didn’t even win the starting job out of camp. You got beat out by Brian Hoyer and then pouted and didn’t come to practice the next day because your “alarm clock broke”. Not to mention you were down when you scored this touchdown.

 

 

 

Oh and also you still really really suck. Get the fuck out of here Ryan Mallet.

 

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JJ Watt highlight of the week.

 

He got off the bus, wowwww.

 

Wait one more, are the cameras rolling? Ready, go.

 

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No one like him. Texans now 0-2

 

 

Buccaneers 26, Saints 19

 

“I’m done. I’m officially done with the Drew Brees/Sean Payton Saints. They will never be the same, they will never be good again, time to move on and start over. I’m done”

 

-Signed 1 of 10 million people who had the Saints in their Survivor pool this week

 

 

The Saints performance summed up in 1 vine.

 

 

 

Actually let’s do 2 vines. This one hurt just as bad.

 

At least the fans still have fun?

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And congrats to Jameis on his first NFL win.

 

And his dad for wearing this awesome shirt.

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Lions 16, Vikings 26

 

The NFC North is absolutely AWFUL, but the Vikings are officially on the board.

 

 

Teddy Bridgewater with the “Brett Favre” play of the day where you’re getting sacked and say fuck it and wind up with a 40 yard gain.

 

Second favorite Stafford face

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Only behind this one.

 

 

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At least Calvin Johnson is still a beast.

 

 

 

 

Update on Jim Caldwell being alive

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Still nope.

 

 

Any time you can put your baby into the jersey of a serial rapist, you gotta do it.

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Cardinals 48, Bears 23

 

Kickoff, here we go, Bear Down!!!! Annnnnnnd Ballgame.

 

 

 

Remember last week when I said things weren’t that bad and they could be a lot worse? HAHAHA

 

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At least we have this, guys.

 

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Falcons 24, Giants 20

 

Julio Jones

 

 

 

No seriously, Julio Jones

 

 

 

Beware of the Falcons, they feel like that team that you doubt all year long that ends up winning 11 games out of nowhere. Then they get SMOKED in the playoffs after securing a first round bye.

 

 

 

As for the Giants.

 

 

ELIIIIIIIIIIIII

 

This play ended in a fumble.

 

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He’s out there ladies, and he can hold your lip gloss, he has more than enough pockets.

 

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Rams 10, Redskins 24

The Rams have arrived!

 

 

Wait, no, no they haven’t. Rule 1 of a Jeff Fisher coached team, never let yourself get too far away from that .500 line, that’s how you get people to notice you and you don’t want that extra heat.

 

 

“Hey, do me a favor and stand directly behind me”

“What?”

“Stand behind me”

“Jeff, what the hell are you talking about”

“I shit my pants and am wearing khaki’s so stand behind me please, jesus christ”.

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WHOOP, WHOOP, COME ON MAN!!!!!

 

 

Cowboys 20, Eagles 10

 

You know a game is bad when the announcers basically tell you to turn it off.

 

 

 

2 big stories from this one. First obviously being Romo, broken collarbone and out for 8 months.

 

 

I’m going to have to fuck so many whores tonight to erase this from my memory.

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Brandon Weeden waking up this morning.

 

 

And 2, the Eagles suck, like a lot.

 

 

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Why Joe Buck? Why?

 

Seahawks 17,

 

I’m spent on highlights, so I leave you with the beautiful people of Green Bay, Wisconsin.

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That was not a fart.

 

 

 

 

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h/t @worldofisaac  @PeteBlackBurn @XmasApe @BustedCoverage @Mshamburger1 @_MarcusD_