So apparently people were absolutely SHITFACED at the US Open yesterday. By all indications it seems like it was the drunkest tennis crowd ever:
But none were drunker than blondie who was so blacked it looked like she was sleep walking. Eyes straight up closed. Laughing her vagina off at that stupid little tennis ball bouncing around that dumb little mini-stadium in Flushing. You gotta imagine that girl wanted to be at the bar watching football eating wings like every other red blooded American and somehow got stuck going to the fucking US Open. I wish I could have been her Knight In Shining Armor. Swoop into Arthur Ashe and take away the damsel in distress. Rescue her from that stuffy, up tight loser sport and take her to a football bar where we’d watch football games we wouldnt remember one second of the next morning. Thats really how love starts in America if you ask me. People ask me where I found my wife and I tell them we blacked out together Week 1 of the 2010 NFL season at Tin Lizzie. I knew she was the one when she said “Do you wanna do a shot?”
You’re not gonna get that at the US Open. Not gonna get that at tennis. Just gonna get a bunch of nerds being mad that drunk fans dont know the rules about double faults or some shit. Any sporting event where everyone is expected to be sober and quiet and reverential and shit is no sporting event at all. So shout out to this lovely lady and the rest of the US Open crowd that was bombed and pissing off all the loser tennis diehards. You did America proud yesterday.