This Girl Used A Newborn Baby To Make A Perfect Tinder Bio That Works On So Many Levels

There’s a zero percent chance this bio going viral is serious but, if it is, well that’s noteworthy for a whole other reason. But assuming this is a joke, the reason I like the this girl’s Tinder is because it works on a few levels. 1) It’s eye catching; every time I’ve seen a mom on Tinder I swipe and take a look, usually judge or look on in horror. 2) It’s hilarious. Every time I see one of these babies in a Tinder pic, I’m horrified that the poor kid has to deal with mom jonesing for pipe. This girl subverted that completely, very clever on her part. And 3) Any guy who’d think she’s serious is probably too dumb for her to want to date anyway so she just weeded out a solid 20% of the idiot dudes out there. Plus if she’s joking about banging with no condoms she’s definitely doing it for real. Definitely one of those “Haha so funny not using condoms!!!..no but seriously we’re not using condoms right? I’m clean if you are. Pinky swear on it” situations. Really speaks to my soul.

And heyyyyy we’re back for another Tinder blog! After I took last week’s blog off to spend the holiday weekend thirst trapping hoes with handsome hiking photos of me and my dogs, it’s already become hoodie weather, football and school are back, and pumpkin beers are everywhere I go. Fall is here and, other than the football part, that blows. But hopefully a blowout Tinder blog will ease your pains. Go follow me and send me your screenshots on Twitter (DMs are open for your confidentiality) and let’s goooooooo!

(via NJW)

Eva Braun was the ultimate ride or die chick, apparently not so good at the riding (via PDA)

Aren’t the hot 18-year-olds always the wisest? (via KD)

Assisted suicide should be legal if you’re a dad and your 16-year-old daughter is not only on Tinder, but talking about dick sucking and being a whore who fucks on a floor and blows a dude before family functions. Get Donald Trump’s policy guys to work (via JO)

Trading pizza for sex on Tinder is for rookies, sell your body for drugs via a Tinder moment like an adult (via HLH)

Pros: If I were to somehow date and fall in love with Lauren Spags, she wouldn’t have to change her name or Insta. Cons: We might be distantly related and any child we’d have may end up with extra chromosomes. Life is all about compromise (via BB)

Classic Barstool effort here (via Jeff)

It’d be adorable if #dicksquad was one of those “Spanish is my native language, I didn’t know the translation” things (via MA)

This week’s reminder you’d bang a tranny and, yes, you’re kidding yourself if you’re not incredibly impressed here (via Matthew)

So should we start the #tinderlivesmatter protest now or wait until Monday? (via JZ)

This girl is the single biggest beneficiary of iOS allowing emojis of all races outside of Hulk Hogan’s group texts  (via Mich)

You have to like a woman who clearly has no idea how to keep her pants on (via AL)

Sure this bio sounds like insane nerd ramblings but it’s a known fact that Dragonlords have very little patience for snorebores so it makes sense if you think about it (via Marissa the Smoke Queen)

Even Janna’s eyebrows seem surprised at the rape culture she’s firing out here (via St Brendan)

Nothing says ideal candidate for a dad like a guy mindlessly browsing Tinder in the middle of a Taco Bell shit on a toilet somewhere (via ZD)

Just because you look like Kenny Powers doesn’t mean you have to Tinder like him (via CR)

Marching band blowjobs and Tinder game shows to bust a nut on a girl’s face, that’s what K State does (via Guard Dog)

Tiny Asian girl Tinder bio game so strong (via VC)

I’d probably swipe right on this girl but I honestly wouldn’t be mad if we loaded all the girls with an unfunny wacky profile on Tinder into a rocket and shot them to the moon (via CB)

Cocky as hell for an 18-year-old and I absolutely love it. I bet she sucks at mini golf tho (via GG)

She might be the only chick on Tinder who could give you a rusty trombone while looking you in the eyes (via BG)

I sort of find this corny but I love the hustle and any chick fake quoting Herb Brooks deserves some respect (via Asa)

Your competition for the week is so German that he looks like he’s reenacting that old SNL Sprockets sketch (via CMCC)

If you name your kid Denton, you can’t be shocked this is how it turned out (via Rach)

That is an incredibly innocent emoji choice for a girl about to get Eiffel Tower’d (via AC)

Well I guess you never know if she’s joking until you give her a good ol’ fashioned unexpected fart in her face (via GH)

Nothing like a child’s expression praying for his mom not to cheat on his dad on Tinder to get that sex drive going  (via AR)

The awesome power of tits is so strong that you’d have to ignore the terrible bio and hood first name spelling. And women act like they have it rough (via BG)

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I believe her, I bet only the black ones are hers (via GZ)

The sad thing is Tinder being Tinder there are still dudes swiping right on her even though she looks like a mulleted Andy Dick with an alien about to burst out of his chest (via A)

I relate because I feel the same way about chicks pretending they love anal on here (via B)

Getting off at five minutes and one second would be the best of both worlds, efficient blowjob and you didn’t have to pay for pizza. Girls suck at negotiation (via C)

Tyler may have hair like Lance Bass but she makes way better points about tits (via BJB)

And onto the hot and NSFWish ones…

I assume she means her body but you also have to work hard to earn enough for huge fake tits too, that’s just a fact (via Mmm)

I like the cut of this girl’s jib (via MH)

UNREAL photo angle (via PT)

For some reason the end of summer drove a whole lot of chicks to tanning beds (via TS)

(via Z)

Seriously such a hot photo premise (via BB)

I could literally do an entire blog of these, and by “entire blog” I mean save them in a folder and jerk off to them occasionally (via CC)

(via JP)

(via MD)

Laces out, Dan (via Dylan)

And since it’s a blowout fall kickoff blog, here’s a trio of NSFW cherries on top for you. Thanks for reading, help restock my Tinder screenshots by sending me your good ones on Twitter, and happy swiping!