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Teenagers Are Spreading Lice Because Of Selfies

(WIVB) With back to school around the corner, parents and teachers with younger kids are on high alert for lice. But lately, doctors say they’re seeing more teenagers contracting the bugs. Jeff Cushman, a pharmacist, explained, “It’s usually school aged children is what i see most often come in for lice treatment, and we usually see it start up about this time of year.” But what’s been confusing Pediatrician Dr. Sharon Rink is that she’s seeing a surge of teens with itchy scalps, something she says she never saw five years ago. Rink says, “Teenagers don’t usually get lice because they’re not sharing hats and things like that. And lice can’t jump, so the only way they can transmit lice is touching their heads together, and that’s happening with all these photos.” Not just any type of photos; specifically “selfies,” as teens cram their heads together to fit in the shot. “People are doing ‘selfies’ like every day, as opposed to going to photo booths years and years ago,” says Rink. “So you’re probably having much more contact with other people’s heads.” She says you should keep a little distance between you and your friends heads when taking a selfie, just in case one of them has lice. “If you have an extremely itchy scalp and you’re a teenager, you might want to get checked out for lice instead of chalking it up to dandruff.”

Stupid teenagers. Honestly what are they good for? They do nothing but run around town with parasitic insects on their heads while masturbating like 80 times a day. And now these little idiots are spreading it worse than ever because in between masturbation sessions they’re just constantly taking selfies. Rubbing their scalps together and spreading their parasites. It really makes you realize how ridiculous selfies are. Here, come over here and rub your head against mine for this picture! Goddam idiots. Back in my day teenagers gave each other crabs because they were having sex with each other. Nowadays you guys are just sharing head lice because you’re all obsessed with your Instant Grams and all the “likes.” How many likes did that pic get? More like how many lice did that pic get. Fuckin punks.