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Saving My Sanity: Why I Need the Heat To Deliver This Season

Megan Briggs. Getty Images.

Listen, being a South Florida sports fan is like signing up for a lifetime of emotional torment. Actually, scratch that. Being a Miami Dolphins fan? That’s a full-blown death sentence. I’ve seen the Heat, Panthers, and even the Marlins win championships in my lifetime, but I still haven’t seen the Dolphins win a FUCKING playoff game. You see what they do to me? I came here to write about the Miami Heat’s opening night, and somehow, I’m already spiraling—ranting at 10 AM on a Wednesday because the team I love like a mother treats me like trash.  

ANYWAY… 

Tonight, the Miami Heat play basketball, and honestly, I should probably love them more than any other South Florida team. If we’re measuring love by championships, no one’s done more for me than the Heat. Three titles. The Big 3 era. And let’s not forget—if it wasn’t for the Heat beating the Boston Celtics in Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals, I’d still be stuck selling health insurance. Some people say I owe this team my life. Honestly? I do. Which is why I’m making it my personal mission to cover every step of their journey this season, starting with tonight’s game.  

The Miami Heat take on the Orlando Magic—aka, our little bitch. Look, I won’t even call them our little brother. That would insult every little brother out there. But I’ll admit, the Magic are getting stronger. Whether it’s because of hormone blockers or their young players finally developing into legit hoopers, they’re not the easy win they used to be. Still, the Heat are two-and-a-half-point favorites, and yeah, I’ve already put money on them.  

But my favorite bet tonight has nothing to do with the spread. We all know Jimmy Butler doesn’t give a damn about the regular season. Bam Adebayo? Sure, he’s our workhorse—but it’s opening night. And you know what that means: this is a Tyler Herro night.  

Tyler’s coming off another end-of-season injury, and he’s got something to prove. What better way to show the crowd he’s back than by hitting the first three-pointer of the night for the Heat? That’s why I’m all in on Tyler Herro to make the first three-pointer for Miami at +225 odds.  

Mark my words. Tyler’s going to step up, hit that first bucket, and we’re all going to forget—for a moment, at least—how much pain the Dolphins have put us through. Well, until Sunday rolls around, anyway.



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  (AZ/CO/IA/IL/IN/KS/KY/LA/MD/ME/MI/NC/NJ/OH/OR/PA/N/VA/VT/WV/WY), (800) 327-5050 or visit gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). 
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  Min. $5 deposit. Min. $5 bet. $150 issued as bonus bets that expire 7 days (168 hours) after being awarded. 
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  Ends 04/14/24 at 11:59 PM ET. Sponsored by DK. See terms at dkng.co/bball.