The President of Botswana Has Threatened To Send 20,000 Elephants To Germany After Their Falling-Out Over Trophy Hunting

Right off the bat I've got bad news for everyone who read that headline and immediately assumed Botswana was threatening to invade and overtake Germany with elephants. Not quite, although that idea is incredible. 

Tired: Threatening countries with nuclear warheads

Wired: Threatening countries with an invasion of elephants 

Unfortunately Botswana will not be channeling their inner Hannibal here and coming over through the alps with elephants. Essentially Germany, one of the world's largest importers of hunting trophies in Europe, plans on restricting their hunters moving forward when it comes to importing trophies back home. This has enraged Botswana, so their response is to just send them the elephants instead and have them deal with it because of the ongoing overpopulation crisis they're experiencing. The way we have deer in residential areas, they have elephants.   

(CBS News) Johannesburg — Botswana's President Mokgweetsi Masisi has threatened to send 20,000 African elephants to "roam free" in Germany in a public dispute between the nations over hunting and conservation, according to the German newspaper Bild.

Masisi's comments came in response to Germany's government saying earlier this year that it wants to restrict hunters from importing hunting trophies from Africa into Germany.

Botswana is home to roughly one-third of the world's elephant population. Germany is among the largest importers of hunting trophies in Europe, with German hunters representing a significant amount of the income used to fund sustainable conservation in many African nations. 

Masisi said elephant numbers in his country had exploded as a result of conservation efforts to protect the animals, and that trophy hunting was one of the tools his country used to bring in much needed revenue while keeping elephant populations in check.

Germans should "live together with the animals, in the way you are trying to tell us to," Masisi told Bild, adding: "This is not a joke."

I LOVE Botswana's plan of simply offering elephants to other countries. Sorta along the lines of Venmo requesting $5 to everyone in your contacts and seeing who will bite. You have to think the Ukraine could find some use for these guys. The King of Siam apparently did this to President Lincoln back in the day, but Abe was too smart to fall for his tricks. Biden however? To be determined. 

You have to respect Botswana calling Germany's bluff of wanting to save the animals. Basically saying "you love them so much, you hang out with them and see how that goes"

(CNN) To tackle the country’s ”overpopulation” of the animals, Botswana has already offered 8,000 elephants to Angola and another 500 to Mozambique, Masisi said, adding that Mozambique had yet to collect the elephants.

“We would like to offer such a gift to Germany,” Masisi told Bild, adding that he would “not take no for an answer.”

And they won't take no for an answer! I kinda need to see this through just to see the logistics behind transporting 20,000 elephants and dumping them on Germany's doorstep. Call it E-Day and just have all these fellas running wild throughout the German streets causing all sorts of chaos. Imagine Elephants being dropped from the skies and floating down on parachutes? Need E-Day. 

Now I think it's worth addressing the big elephant in the room. Giving Germany all these elephants could backfire big time, no? That might unlock their offensive capabilities, so I'd tread lightly. 20,000 is a fucking army. With the wrong intentions you can do dangerous things with that many elephants. At least when Andy traded for 50 lions he had to give up Finland's military. 

You're just handing Germany these elephants to deploy at their disposal? Horrific deal. Unless you have force trades on there's no video game interface that accepts that. 

Someone make sure Joe doesn't pick up the phone when President Masisi calls.