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Apparently The "Solosexual" Is Now A Thing

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(Source)According to a recent survey from YouGov, 50 percent of British millennials don’t label themselves as completely heterosexual. Forty-three percent of 18-to-24-year-olds identify somewhere in the middle of the Kinsey scale—which lists sexual orientation on a spectrum of one to six. “With each generation, people see their sexuality as less fixed in stone,” YouGov reports. The easy explanation for this phenomenon is that such open-minded thinking about sexuality reflects the “no labels” ethos proffered by actress Kristen Stewart and singer Miley Cyrus, who famously told Paper magazine: “I am literally open to every single thing that is consenting and doesn’t involve an animal and everyone is of age. … Yo, I’m down with any adult—anyone over the age of 18 who is down to love me.” However, it’s not just that young people are eschewing labels but evolving notions of sexuality offer an increasing array of options outside the traditional boxes of gay and straight. No one has to put a label on it, but for those who do, a new generation is rewriting the rules. For instance, an April 2015 post for Kinkly described the rise of the “solosexual,” which the site’s Jason Armstrong describes as “men who prefer masturbation over other sorts of sexual activity.” Armstrong continues, “There is a growing subculture of men who are finding that masturbation is the best sex of their lives. … They are meeting each other online on sites such as or where masturbating on cam is the focus.” While Armstrong asserts that many solosexuals still engage in intercourse, according to Rain City Jacks founder Paul Rosenberg, these men “aren’t really interested in dating at all.” Rosenberg told the Huffington Post, “They just kind of want to play with themselves and share that experience with others.” Rosenberg and Armstrong describes the act as reclaiming the love of masturbation in a positive community—whether that’s in sex clubs or on the Internet.



Two very different things to discuss here…


1. Fifty percent of Brit millenials don’t know if they’re gay or straight? FIFTY PERCENT?! That’s outrageous. What is it a nation of Anne Heches? I’d like a hot dog today, today I’m in the mood for a taco, hot dog again, too much sodium yesterday — back to tacos. Make up your fucking minds you lunatics. Girls, I get. That’s not even a horny 13 year old thing like “Oooo I love lesbians lol.” I just understand how chicks can flip flop. Chick bodies are smooth and beautiful and maintained. Dude bod is gross. All hairy and lumpy and dicks and balls hanging all over the place. If a guy likes that then he likes that, all the power to him. But no guy is seamlessly transitioning between chicks and dudes. Just not possible. Figure it out, British men.




2. I think I’d like to come out of the closet as a solosexual? I’m sure as hell not gonna be involved in the chat rooms where every dude is telling each other about that hot date they had with themselves last night, but maybe I’ll just dip my toe into the movement rather than cannonball in. Just too much effort needed for sex (if I’m unwilling to participate in the story time aspect of solosexualism I guess you could just say I’m coming out as a fat, lazy guy with a WiFi connection). What I need to go to a bar, buy a bunch of drinks, talk to a girl all night and hope she comes home with me? Take a girl on dates and dinners and give a goodnight kiss that I hope lingers just long enough to tell you “go upstairs”? Even with a girlfriend there are plenty of nights where you’re like Ugh I know I’m legally obligated to do sex with you but I really just want to watch the game and go to bed. You wanna go through all that? No, no. That’s too old school. I’d rather just go out, get drunk, have fun, and jerkoff when I wake up with my morning wood yelling at me like “DUDE! You didn’t even TRY last night!” That’s right, buddy, we’re solosexualists now. There are dozens of us, literally dozens. Now come here and let daddy take care of you.