I Had Some of the Best Knockers in My Livingroom...
It was back in 2007, when Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett, and Ray Allen, aka The Big Three (2nd edition), first made their way down the parquet floor together, that our tradition was born.
My son Dylan and I got in the habit of knocking on wood, a rapid, single-handed double knock done whenever there was an important shot or a critical defensive stand about to happen. We're both very superstitious, and we believed that if we knocked on wood, only good things would happen, and the Celtics would win.
When Dylan started inviting friends over to watch basketball, they either embraced the tradition, or they were gone. Fortunately, knocking on wood became a fan favorite in our house, and with as many as six of us sitting around the wood coffee table knocking, at certain times, my living room sounded like a fucking marching band. My wife isn’t superstitious, and she wasn’t crazy about all the wood-knocking; it actually drove her nuts, but she put up with us for the good of the team, unlike this crazy woman who angrily used her knockers to put an end to wood-knocking. "No wood for you!"
You can't abuse the "knock"! It can only be used at important times to maintain its effectiveness. For instance, early in the game, you can hold off, the knocking doesn't really start until the final minutes of the first half. It picks up in the third quarter, gets heavier in the fourth, but gets fucking outrageous in the final five minutes when the games are on the line.
When you knock on wood, there are some basic rules. First and foremost, you have to knock on real wood, it can't be plastic. That's why the round wooden coffee table in our living room works so well in our house; everyone can get a hand or two on it, from whatever part of the couch they're sitting on. If you're in the car and you have to knock, there are exceptions. If your vehicle has wood trim or even wood-like trim, because you're mobile and your options are limited, the wood gods will allow it, but don't expect them to cut you any slack once you're home. You gotta find some real wood!
Two rapid knocks with one hand are the standard, but when the game is on the line, it's totally acceptable to rapid knock with two hands, especially if you're trying to jinx an opposing player who got to the line by flopping.
Never underestimate the power of the knock. I'll warn you in advance that knocking wood is not for the faint of heart; it can be emotionally draining, but that's the price you pay for directly communicating with the "knock gods".
If someone says something like, "This game is in the bag," you have to knock to void the jinx. And knocking wood protects your interest in any outcome, not just sports. Anytime someone speaks and draws a positive conclusion that's not yet certain, you have to knock, and in those cases, a double knock will suffice.
I actually started knocking on wood back in the early '60s when a band called Surfaris came out with a song called "Wipe Out". It contained a drum solo that every drummer had to master to prove their mettle. I was in 6th grade, and we all played it on our wooden desks. Some used two fingers on each hand as drumsticks, I used my knuckles, and my friend Eddy could do it with his elbows. Here's a young girl with her father doing it as well as anybody ever has…
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Once you start knocking on wood, you'll see all the like-minded people, the kindred souls, who, without the slightest prompt, will knock along with you. Wood knockers are everywhere…
Knocking on wood worked for us back in 2007-2008. The Celtics finished 66-16 and won the NBA Championship, beating the Lakers 4-2, and at least in my house, we took a lot of credit for that season. After all, by knocking on wood, we controlled the universe, at least the NBA portion of it…
After that success, we started knocking on wood during Patriots, Red Sox, and Bruins games, and those teams owe us a great deal of thanks for what we were able to do for them as well…
Dylan’s friend Pat, a regular at our coffee table, made me a knock block for my 60th birthday. It's portable and a great way to knock on wood when you're away from home.
I’ve always been very superstitious. I won’t walk under ladders or open umbrellas inside. I'm careful not to break mirrors, hold my breath passing cemeteries, and only wear certain jerseys during Patriots games. And if my team is up at the half, I won't change my seat, and I won't let anyone else either! And, I never say anything that'll jinx my team…
It was back in the 2006-'07 season, when the Patriots had a 21-6 lead over the Colts at the half in the AFC Championship Game, that my friend looked at me and said, "This game is over!" I immediately responded, "WTF, you just jinxed us, now we're gonna lose…" Peyton Manning led a big second-half comeback, and we lost 38-34. (Fuck you, Neil!)
In the comments, tell me if you knock on wood and/or have other superstitions…
Very superstitious, writings on the wall
Very superstitious, ladders 'bout to fall
Thirteen-months-old baby broke the lookin' glass
Seven years of bad luck, the good things in your past
When you believe in things that you don't understand
Then you suffer
Superstition ain't the way…