NERD FIGHT! Elon Musk Says He Would Fight Mark Zuckerberg In A Cage Match, Zuck Says Send The Location So He Can Pull Up

Certain rivalries are so transcendent that you only need single names to identify them: Magic vs Bird, Rocky vs. Creed, Portnoy vs Kyrie, and now Zuck vs Elon.

The internet streets ain't big enough for the both of these mega rich dorks so it was only a matter of time before things needed to be settled via fisticuffs. Elon has been taking shots at Zuck ever since it was reported that Meta is launching a text-based Instagram app to rival Twitter. 

The app definitely has Elon feeling the heat and he responded the best way he knows how: With corny dad jokes and emojis. 


It's all fun and games when the shit talking is being done online. Whatever you want to call them - trolls, keyboard cowboys, Twitter tough guys - Elon is most certainly one. No one besides Vindog enjoys memeing fools to death more than Elon.

But as Drake once famously said, "Twitter fingers turn to trigger fingers. Yeah, you gettin' bodied by a coding fella." 

Because Zuck ain't playing that back and forth on the interwebs. In fact, he said, "drop a pin, pussy. I'm about to pull up."

Now we can all laugh at the fact that Zuckerberg is constantly being accused of being a robot and then he responds with a declaration that sounds like it's being typed by R2D2. But this is no laughing matter to Zuck. Elon better keep his name out of his mouth. After all, he didn't earn the nicknames "The Devil" and "Hannibal Lector" from his employees for nothing. 

I mean just look at this guy. His grip on international power and information isn't the only thing scaring the shit out of me .

Did Zuck get a Brazilian Butt Lift? Possibly. But we know for sure that he practices Brazilian Ju Jitsu.

The last person on earth you should mess with is someone who is trained to break limbs off your body. Especially when that someone is double cheeked up and applies sunscreen like an absolute fucking lunatic. 

Kate blogged about this a while back but Zuck has taken the Ju Jitsu world by storm. Imagine showing up for your match and the Facebook nerd chokes you out with your karate gi. Tough scene indeed. 


Meanwhile Musk is out here looking like he hasn't seen the sun or a gym since the end of the Apartheid. Musk shirtless looks like a condom full of mayonnaise became sentient and pissed away $44 Billion on a shitposting app. 

These guys should put their respective companies on the line like a couple of Greasers racing for pink slips back in the 50's. If Elon wins then Zuck has to hand over that weird VR world where everyone looks like a Wii character. And if Zuck wins then he gets the the world's premier app for OnlyFans side chicks to air out their grievances about NBA players spitting in their mouth. Money on the wood, boys. Money on the wood. 

The odds on this fight haven't hit The Barstool Sportsbook just yet but I'm positive that Zuck is going to open as a heavy favorite at around -280. The only hope Elon would have inside the cage would be to sneak in a bottle of water and short circuit Zuck before he can initiate attack mode.

Because if Elon lets The Zuckerberg 3000 get him to the mat, he might be tapping out in the cage and in the business world. 

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