October Is For The Bronx | All-New T-Shirts, Hoodies, CrewnecksSHOP NOW

Advertisement

David Ortiz Just Hit The Everliving Shit Out Of This Baseball

That face you make when you just gave up the longest home run you’ve ever seen in your life with a bat-flip right in your eyeball.

Ortiz

I suppose hitting the longest home run in the worst season is like being the tallest midget, but I will never stop getting overly excited when David Ortiz crushes a home run. I was a freshman in high school when the Red Sox signed Ortiz in 2003, so it’s like a piece of my childhood that I can still enjoy without being called a loser, which is the exact opposite of still watching the WWE. They measured that cock rocket at 432 feet, which I call bullshit on. That was at least 700 feet. It was the 490th of David Ortiz’s career, giving him 24 for the year, which makes this yet another season that his demise was greatly exaggerated. What’s that, the fifth or sixth year now that everyone said he was done?

Anyway, I know a lot of people could give a shit less about 500 home runs. It doesn’t mean as much as it used to, and I totally agree with that. But in yet another lost season here in Red Sox Nation, I’m definitely looking forward to watching Ortiz chase that milestone. Ten more ding dongs is totally reachable with six weeks to go, and the only thing that could ruin the one feel-good moment we’ll have as Red Sox fans this year is if Foul Ball Guy catches it.

UPDATE: Ortiz just smoked another one over the wall, so now he has 48 games to hit 8 home runs to get to 500.

SUBSCRIBE TO THE SECTION 10 PODCAST ON ITUNES