If sports and '80s buddy cop movies have taught us anything, it's that sometimes bringing two wildly different guys together for a team up can yield spectacular results. The polar opposite personalities challenge each other. The gaps in one another get filled in like two puzzle pieces fitting together. They approach problems from opposite directions. They cause friction that generates heat to get the job done.
It worked for Riggs and Murtaugh. It worked for Tango and Cash. It worked for Turner and Hooch. And, in the most unlikely pairing of all, it worked for Tom Brady and Antonio Brown.
For a while. For a very, very short while. Which is still longer than anyone else has ever gotten along with Brown. Because unlike all those hilariously mismatched duos I just mentioned, Brown is not a guy you want to depend on when the chips are down. Whether you're handcuffed to a hot water pipe getting tortured with jumper cables hooked up to a car battery, or merely going through a divorce. He's the last guy you want having your back:
Now it seems Brady reached out to Brown to express his displeasure about the way his frenemy has conducted himself during this difficult time in his life. So Brown proved he's every bit as mature, reasonable, and responsible as you'd think he is. By immediately posting it for the world to see:
Never in my life have I heard "I'm not so angry as I am, well … disappointed" expressed so beautifully in all my life. Seriously, this is brilliant prose. The quality of writing you expect to find in the letters Thomas Jefferson exchanged with John Adams. Brady's not even addressing me, yet it breaks my heart to read it more than when my own sainted mother would tell me I'd disappointed her. Which was like getting a sharp icicle driven into my soul. How could anyone read this directed at them and not immediately take stock of themselves and rethink every one of their life decisions?
But Antonio Brown just screencaps and posts it. Like he's expecting us to think Brady's the one who's being ridiculous in all this.
Well I've got news for AB. Not only is this having the opposite effect, it's a reminder once again that Brady is actually a better human being than we think he is. Which happens any time his private communications are made public. Remember that information dump of all his emails back in the summer of 2015? Just terabytes of messages released to the world. And it was all about him offering to give motivational speeches to some team or other and politely asking the owner to donate to Brady's charity if he's so inclined. The most "controversial" things anyone could find involved buying a new pool cover. That and saying Peyton Manning probably only had a couple of more years in him. Which was mitigated by the fact it was 100% accurate. So now we've got the most mercurial nutjob in football these past few years thinking he's mocking Brady by revealing this. When I never get anything this thoughtful, polite, measured, and well-written from my best friends. His insults sound nicer than the most positive messages I ever receive.
So once again we're left to ask what Brady ever saw in this guy. Besides the obvious talent at catching passes. But by the time Brown had been brought into New England and then signed to Tampa by Brady himself, he'd long since established he's the scorpion in that Persian fable where he's going to sting even those who help him. The only reason being that he's a scorpion. It's his nature. From the very beginning of their relationship - where Brady let Brown live under his roof in two different cities - it seemed less like a charismatic pairing of opposite personalities than it felt like watching your son hanging out with a bad seed who's hellbent on getting him into trouble.
Everyone saw this coming, and said so. Repeatedly. But Brady didn't. I guess when you're as solid and nice a guy as he is, everyone else seems solid and nice too. To the point you'll even salvage their career and give them a Super Bowl touchdown catch to cherish forever. I hope this is a lesson learned. Brown is a total bucket of guts and deserves the friendship of no one. Least of all not the GOAT of all men.