Gear Up for the Big Game | New Football T-Shirts, Hoodies, Hats, Beanies, Flags and MoreSHOP NOW

Jaws Is NOT A Horror Movie, And If You Think So, You're A Moron

This week, the Snake Draft topic was "Horror Movies" and we had a HUGE guest in Richard Roeper. Richard Roeper is THE guy for movies, with all due respect to Jeff D. Lowe and his crew at Lights, Camera, Barstool. Have a listen here:

Chief and I sat this one out because we didn't think our horror movie knowledge was deep enough. We'll get to the specific thesis of this blog in a moment, but after glancing at the graphic, I've seen exactly of 8 of the movies drafted:

I know you blowhards missed me though. You fuckwads probably scream my name while you plow your WAGs. 

Anyways, aside from my absence, it seems like the reception to the show has been great and that people loved Roeper. For that, I'm happy. What I'm not happy about is this:

- Jaws is NOT a horror movie
- American Psycho is NOT a horror movie

A both should have immediately been vetoed. 

I am gone for ONE EPISODE and the panel has made a mockery of our devine snake drafts. It's a goddamn shame. I voiced my displeasure as much on Twitter last night while I was on Mars via 3chi:

To be frank, I'm SHOCKED that DOOFUS Captain Cons hasn't chimed in yet twisting my words and calling me an idiot for "thinking Jaws and American Psycho are bad movies". That's what he does, and that's what the internet does as well. They'll think that because I said those two movies shouldn't have been drafted that I dislike them.

Giphy Images.

Nope. I love both of those movies. Eh… I love Jaws. All time classic. American Psycho I've only seen maybe 2-3x and while I believe its excellent, if I never saw it again I'd be okay at the same time. That's semantics thoguh 

Neither of these are horror movies. After I tweeted out my confusion, I had a bunch of people telling me I'm wrong and to "google it", so I did:

Just because Jaws gets your heart racing and has a few jump-scare scenes - like when Jaws pops out of the water - doesn't mean it's a "horror" film. Horror films are supposed to invoke "fear" into the viewer. Jaws doesn't. Nobody has ever watched Jaws and been afraid to sleep without the lights on. 

Here's how Wikipedia and Encyclopedia Britannica define "horror films":

"But WSD, it made people afraid to swim in the ocean because of sharks!!!"

FUCK OFF with that rationale. I saw Twister when I was like 10 and was terrified of tornados every time there was so much as a light drizzle outside. That doesn't make Twister a horror movie. Watching Ice Cube and J-Lo get swallowed whole by 1000 foot snakes made me terrified of snakes. Anaconda is not a horror movie. I saw Kids when I was in college and was afraid of contracting HIV. Not a horror movie. 

Even this scene in Kingpin makes me jump out of my seat every time I watch it:

That doesn't make Kingpin a horror movie, even if the thought of going down on that old hag is, honestly, a little horrifying. We haven't touched on American Psycho much in this blog yet, but here's a convo I had with a rando on Twitter:

He didn't respond after I asked about Joker. Guess it was a sort of check mate. 

I'm sorry, to me American Psycho is just not a "horror" movie. Not in any way. 

The point remains though; Jaws doesn't aim to "induce repugnance, fear, or dread". Its aim is to keep you wondering what's going to happen next. Its aim is to make you wonder how Martin is going to win the cat and mouse game with Jaws. Spielberg does an incredible job inducing many emotions from the viewer in Jaws. 

But fear? Dread? Repugnance? If you felt any of those things watching Jaws, you're a massive pussy. But you being a massive pussy doesn't mean Jaws is a "horror" movie. It's a thriller.

And that is final.

Subscribe to Barstool Chicago on YouTube, thank you.