You know what? I finally figured it out. "Modern" is just a codeword for cheap and shitty. It's the same exact thing that happened with the Stanley Cup Final jersey patches this year I wrote about earlier today.
Everything that is "modern" just looks like it was designed on a free version of Photoshop. Where the only real thought process that went into the creation of the design was scrolling through a list of free fonts to use. I'm sure there were a few better fonts to choose from, but you'd have to purchase the premium version of the app in order to unlock those ones. So this is what you're stuck with. This logo looks like it vapes. This logo looks like it takes 3 cream and 3 sugars in its coffee. This logo looks like it unironically says "sportsball". There's simplicity, and then there's just laziness that borders on arrogance.
We don't ask for much. Just give the people what they want.
Sidenote: I reserve the right to change my opinion on this logo if it ends up looking halfway decent with a Kelly green backdrop. But until then, it gets 0.5 Balls.