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This Disabled Girl's Tinder Bio Is Such A Home Run That You'd Have To Swipe Right

kirk-lead

(via Kirk)

 

These Tinder blogs have been going on for almost five months now (time flies when you’re having fun) and one thing that they should teach you is there’s nothing to respect more on the app than putting it all out there in a bio. If you’re a chick with big boobs, tell us they’re real. If you look like a little kid, tell guys you’re open to role-playing a Roman Polanski movie set visit. And if you’re this disabled girl, tell us your vag still works like a charm. Guys are wondering or rudely asking anyway, playing coy only wastes everyone’s time. So good for you, Maria. May you find your Tinder bio to be the access ramp to some dude’s heart.

 

And so begins another week in the world of Tinder. Articles going viral may say Tinder is ruining dating but I say that’s a negative attitude to have. If I can browse for girls the same way I order a pizza, that’s a step in the right direction for society. So let’s bring a positive attitude to Tinder this week, send me your screenshots on Twitter (DMs are open for your confidentiality), and awayyyy we go!

 

rearad

M. Night Shyamalan consulted on this bio (via Rear Admiral)

 

rhoff

No one man can satisfy that much Chaz Bono (via Rhoff)

 

 

bl

Jon Taffer cries a single tear reading the genius salesmanship in this bio (via BL)

 

 

 

sd

Hanna must have been a big Cliff Huxtable girl growing up (via SD)

 

anonymous

Shauna is all about that #powermovesonly life  (via Anonymous)

 

t-hum

I’m surprised she loves the ocean and swimming given the contentious relationship between her and her ex Ishmael (via T-hum)

 

js-whitetrashwedding

I’d normally be surprised but given that their wedding photo prominently features Solo cups and a trailer, maybe not so much (via JS)

mg-magiclikenarnia

I presume she means magical like Narnia because there’s a chance you could get lost in her folds and end up in another dimension with a talking all-knowing lion (via MG)

tf

When you have tits the size of lemons, make lemonade (via TF)

 

nc

Resting murder face is the new resting bitch face (via NC)

 

cd

Jessie is an absolute psycho even without the caps lock + reverse winky face combo but Ben Gwynne is still getting put on a poster REAL bad here (via cd)

 

 

 

tp-bostonstoolies

Boston Stoolies sent this chick in a ton talking about how hot she is, presumably because they want a chick just like Pres but with a smaller nose and a bigger ass (via TP)

 

 

willie

Jessica is the type of girl who’d smell a dude’s dick after he came home from a long night out (via Willie)

 

slater

You’re ruining this app for Jessica (via Slater)

 

bobby

When sucking random dicks is life (via Bobbo)

nj

Be more Eastern European, Yelizaveta. Also not to be too crude but the phrase Snuffaluffagus Clit comes to mind (via NJ)

 

 

rc

Me too, Bee. Me too. (via RC)

 

cronkite

#makeamericagreatagain (via cronkite)

clark
Nothing makes me want to hang out with a chick more than seeing some other dude’s vinegar strokes, nice job Mollie (via Clark)

mg

Either this is an Always Sunny reference, she has a secret clown fetish, or some lucky fellow is in for one amazing night followed by 18 years of regret…either way, worth a shot (via mg)

 

jeff

Being in the presence of the handsome man in the background is a known aphrodisiac for women of all ages (via Jeff)

 

moe

I usually try to avoid being overtly mean on these blogs but I honestly don’t want to live in a world in which this chick can not only have a husband but also several side pieces. Have some fucking standards guys (via moe)

 

dexter

So that Vanity tattoo on her head has to be ironic, right? (via Dexter)

nc

“‘You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take’ – Wayne Gretzky – Michael Scott” (via NC)

 

tigermouse

In Kodiealyse’s defense, it’s hard for a big girl to do any yoga pose and not look like she’s taking a huge shit (via Tigermouse)

 

 

dl

Single and six months pregnant, over 200 pounds, and a Juggalette? What are the odds! (via DL)

 

 

 

gocody

I’d have thought a chick with a Confederate flag profile pic would hate mudding, the more you know (via Gocody)

 

 

And onto the hot/maybe a bit NSFW ones…

 

 

agl

This chick got sent in a ton this week and I’m including her here mostly as a PSA because she’s an A++ follow on Snapchat, username rik_uh (via AGL)

aa

Well she did say former escort and at least unlike all these other girls she got paid for all the whorish fucking she did in college (via AA)

 

jg

Normally a mom gets a swipe left from me especially if she has “mama” in her Snapchat name but HOLY SHIT I would not only match with this chick I would marry her and let that little girl call me Dad while shopping for 529 plans for her (via JG)

 

rz

Morgan and her Smirnoff Ice are the Joker to Katie’s Batman in my mind (via RZ)

 

ep

Only acceptable time you can treat a girl you’re first meeting like a princess (via EP)

 

uFUQWGm

 

dd

She’s definitely not real BUT WHAT IF SHE IS (via DD)

 

fo

I’d be so pissed if we went on a date and I found out she got that nickname due to her insane attention to detail (via FO)

 

 

jf-thehairwasagiveaway

The hair is a big tell (via JF)

 

tg-vegas

Vegas girls doing Vegas girl things (via TG)

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jersey

(via Jersey)

 

 

And this week’s NSFW cherry on top, via BJ, is a gal who got a couple new piercings and wants to show it off to Tinder. Thanks for reading, send me your screenshots on Twitter, and happy swiping!