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Orland Park Man Stole A Vibrator From Lover's Lane, Stripped Naked In His Jail Cell And Said His Name Was "Obama Is A Criminal"

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(Source) An Obama-hating Harvey man shoved a vibrator down his pants and slipped outside the Orland Park Lover’s Lane, but didn’t get far before he was caught by the cops, police said. An employee of the 159th Street sex shop reportedly tipped the law to a man walking around the store with a vibrator stuffed down his pants. The cops arrived just in time to find 44-year-old Christopher Hucko leaving Lover’s Lane “with a large bulge in his pants,” police said.

An officer asked Hucko what he had their in his pants, and what the Harvey man told him may have been unspeakable, as the cops blacked it out of their police report. Hucko did confide “that he had a tattoo of a cherry on his penis and asked me if I wanted to see it,” an officer said, according to the report, which did not mention if the officer took him up on the offer. The officer “searched the front of (Hucko’s) pants and under his boxers was a pink ‘G-Spot Delight’ vibrator, which I then removed,” the report said. “I asked Christopher how that got there, to which he replied that he had no idea.”

The G-Spot Delight retails for $48, police said. Hucko was arrested and locked up at the police station. “While in the cell, Christopher stripped completely naked and would not put his clothes back on,” police said. He reportedly agreed to speak to officers without a lawyer present but merely “proceeded to make comments about his political views and derogatory comments about President Obama.” When he was asked to sign a form, police said, Hucko put “his name as ‘Obama is a criminal.’” Hucko, who was also allegedly holding marijuana and a pot pipe, was charged with retail theft, possession of cannabis and possession of drug paraphernalia.

 

 

 

LOT to unpack on this one. I don’t even know where to start. Do we go with the fact that he was stealing a “G-Spot Delight” vibrator from Lover’s Lane? Or maybe touch on the tattoo of a cherry on his penis that he wanted to show the cops? Or how about stripping in his jail cell and filling out his name as “Obama is a criminal”? Just so much going on, but at the end of the day I think whether you believe this guy when he says he doesn’t know how a vibrator got in the front of his pants or not, the biggest takeaway that we can all agree on here is the hair. In a word? Fabulous.

 

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Take notes bald guys of America, if you’re losing your hair and you can’t figure out what to do with it, here you go. Print this picture out and walk into your closest barbershop and ask for “The Hucko” because that my friends is one of those hairstyles that is so bad it’s good. Almost like a hipster haircut that was done on purpose. Ladies see that and they don’t know whether to puke or cum or both. Why else do you think he was at Lover’s Lane getting himself a vibrator? Guy fucks, no doubt in my mind. Hucko, so hot right now, Hucko.

 

 

h/t chris