I'm In A Never-ending War With The Underpants Gnomes, So I Wear Mismatched Socks Sometimes... Sue Me

Have you ever heard of the underpants gnomes?  If you haven't, the underpants gnomes are real life gnomes that sneak into your bedroom when you're asleep and steal all of your underoos and socks. They're fickle little bastards that make life miserable. They have been depicted on South Park in the clips below:

Over the years, I've released many of my life hacks to the masses. One of them is that I buy a new pack of socks and/or boxer briefs anytime I go to Target. And by anytime I go to Target, I mean like... every 4th time I go to Target. With the underpants gnomes being the little thieving rat bastards they are, one can oft-find himself in the bind that is not having many (any) clean socks and/or pantaloons.  I'll make this clear: you cannot defeat the underpants gnomes... you can only hope to contain them, and the only way to do that is to have a surplus of socks and briefs. 

That's why, here and there, one could be forced to wear two different socks. This situation usually arrises when you're at or near laundry day. You're just scraping the bottom of your sock drawer, PRAYING there's matching socks in there, even though you know deep down in the bowels of your heart that you're gonna be wearing two different socks that day. In this dire situation, I ask a simple question: who gives a fuck?

We ain't talking about shoes… not shoes… not shoes… We talking about SOCKS. Mismatched socks at that. And guess what? It's okay to be a mismatched sock guy. Like today for instance. I had to wear two different socks because I need to do laundry:

Soooo….. they're both black. They're both the same length. They're just different brands. With all that said, I'll ask again - 

who gives a fuck? 

Nobody…. at least nobody should. They're the same color and size. The branding is different though, so that makes me a total scumbag to lemmings on the internet that are afraid to admit they're mismatched sock guys too. 

It's sort of like when Andy Dufresne broke out of prison wearing the wardens perfectly shined shoes. How often do you look at someone's shoes? Not really that often, and it's even less with socks. Unless you're Chief and take your sweaty, disgusting, stinky shoes off in the office constantly, then socks don't matter. 

That doesn't stop lemmings on the internet from internet bullying people though, and I'm specifically talking about the insecure little irishmen Connor Crehan:

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The thing is, is that I don't believe Cons. Not one bit. I know that you, me and Cons all wear mismatched socks here and there. It's not something we want or go out of our ways to do, it's something we have to do, and it's all because of the underpants gnomes. Cons is afraid of going against the grain in ANY way though, so he'll let the internet know he operates exactly and isn't ever attacked by the underpants gnomes solely because he likes earning internet points from said lemmings. 

Not me though. I'm not afraid of being true to myself, and you shouldn't be either. One day Cons will get there too. Him and I are working on it behind closed doors as we speak. It's a daunting task, but one day I will make him a normal guy and he'll be better off because of it. 

This is a blog to let people know that it's okay to come out as a mismatched sock guy, because in the end we're ALL mismatched sock guys. Sure, you might have insecurities about getting bullied by the fashion police, but don't let them get you down. Just know that they're mismatched sock guys too. Everyone is. Nobody in the history of civilization has worn the same socks every day of their lives. Sometimes you're in a pinch, have two different socks, and throw them on. That's just how life works.

Proper society, shmoper shmishciety. Fuck off Cons