NBC Consumer Reporter Suggests You 'Forego the Turkey' to Save Money and Make Sure No One Comes to Your Awful Thanksgiving

Stop me if you've heard this before, but just about everything is in America right now. We are so supremely split as a nation that we're forced to see everything through the prism of a divisive political climate. It seems no topic is so neutral that people on the far ends of the philosophical spectrum can't scream at each other about it. Everything is a wedge issue, driving us further apart. It feels like there is no common humanity, even in the things that we all share in common, from a virus to crimes to the economy to the entertainment we consume. 

But it seems to me that if there is one great hope for unifying us all, it's Thanksgiving. A secular holiday with religious undertones should be able to please everyone. Even as Lincoln - perhaps the one President we can all get behind - suggested when he wrote the Proclamation that declared it a holiday, everyone should appreciate the chance to be grateful, believer and atheist alike. Writing of the blessings of the times, "which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come," he wrote. Others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God." 

And this was at a time when the country was literally at war with itself. So it shouldn't be that hard for us today, in a time of relative peace, prosperity and new Taylor Swift music to be thankful. Especially on a day that's all about our best comfort food mixed with our favorite sport, followed by shopping. It should just be a matter of hoping your cousin who watches CNN and your uncle who's a big Fox guy don't talk about anything beyond how good the potatoes are and how bad the Bears-Lions game is. 

But alas, not everyone feels that way. In spite of the above message of unity from Sunday Night Football, one NBC consumer reporter went on the Today Show and declared War on Thanksgiving. The first casualty: The humble, noble, beloved turkey. (Cued up to the 2:40 mark):

Source - "With inflation on the rise, prices are going up on everything from your Thanksgiving meal to your gifts for the holidays," anchor Kristen Welker said to introduce the segment.

NBC News correspondent Vicky Nguyen noted the 6.2 percent rise in prices in October from a year ago – a three-decade high – calling it "real money."

"Perhaps forgo the turkey," she said. "Bear with me. I know that is the staple of the Thanksgiving meal. However, some people think turkey is overrated. It tends to be the most expensive thing on the table. Maybe you do an Italian feast instead." 

Nguyen added that if you tell guests you're dumping the turkey, "some guests may drop off the list, and that's a way to cut costs too."

"I'm not recommending it, I'm just offering it," she said, as Welker joked, "keep the pie."

On behalf of decent, red-blooded Americans everywhere, allow me to retort with NBC's most iconic character of all time:

Giphy Images.

What fresh hell is this? Where does this come from? Is it some plot to keep people from being happy so they'll watch more "Law & Order" spinoffs? Is it intended to further separate us to stop the spread of Covid? Is it Russian disinformation designed to take away one of our last remaining sources of happiness so we'll embrace Putin's oligarchy? Is this Vicky Nguyen person in the pocket of Big Spaghetti? 

I acknowledge that the prices are high this year. I spent about four times per pound the price I paid for turkey last year. And guess what? It's still cheaper than if I took the whole family to McDonald's. I'm all about having concern for the families that are struggling to make ends meet. But in a world where everyone's 9-year-old has an iPhone, Spotify, an XBox Live account and Disney+, I think we're getting pretty selective about the things we think are too expensive when we start saying no one can afford a $25 poultry.

It's 2021. People are carrying debt. The average American has three apps just for ordering food delivered to their door. It's a bit much to suggest everyone have a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, which was the single worst celebration in the history of holidays:

Even if there's some merit to telling everyone you're not serving turkey just to scare off the douchebag relations you'd rather not deal with, doing it this way is more than just wrong. It's unAmerican. Keep the politics out of Thanksgiving. Go back to ruining all our other holidays instead. Just give us this one day to not have to listen to lectures and let us gorge ourselves on turkey and side dishes and dessert and booze with zero guilt, the way Lincoln told us to.