Miss Piggy Divorces Kermit
The Guardian – First Zayn Malik and Perrie Edwards, now another showbiz power couple have announced their conscious uncoupling: Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy. Kermit and Piggy – who broke the news in joint statements on Facebook – said the decision had been difficult and had followed “thoughtful consideration and considerable squabbling”. While Piggy was coy, Kermit was keen to make clear that it was his porcine partner who had initiated the split. At least one potential suitor moved quickly, leaving room for speculation as to the real reason for the breakup.
This is going to be the best thing that has ever happened to Kermit The Frog. Miss Piggy was a fucking Seaward. Let me be clear about. I rarely use this word. But Miss Piggy is a CUNT. Up and down, left and right cunt. Marrying that fat demanding hog has gotta be the worst decision any male has ever made. Now obviously Kermit deserves some of the blame here. At some point he should have been man enough to dump this bitch. But you know how it goes – you’re dating a girl for a while and next thing you know she starts pressuring you and your friends are all proposing and then she flat out scares you and intimidates you into the ring and next thing you know, bingo bango you’re stuck in a shitty marriage.
But now hes free. Kermit is a free frog. Free to do whatever he wants. Free to fuck as much muppet ass as he wants. Him and Fozzie can hit the town and do some blow and pay tons of money for back room blow jobs from strippers. Fuck all the younger muppets who are all about your fame and money. He can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants. No watching, no judging. Netflix binges all weekend long with no remorse. Take out food every meal. No remorse, no responsibility.
Meanwhile good luck to that fat obnoxious pig Miss Piggy. The thought that she would somehow win this break up is LAUGHABLE. Like anybody in their right mind would ever get involved with a fat, controlling domineering cunt. You’re going to die cold and alone, Miss Piggy. Kermit will die drowning in muppet pussy. Real smart move.