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Lighten the Fuck Up! You Never Know Who You Might Bump Into At The Supermarket...

Oleksii Hrecheniuk / 500px. Getty Images.

A middle-aged man who had put on some weight and lost all his hair since getting married 12 years ago, was at the supermarket picking up some bread and milk on his way home from work. He noticed a sexy woman wearing revealing shorts and pushing a carriage in his direction was smiling and waving to him.

He was flattered that such a sexy woman would be waving at him and although she looked kind of familiar, he couldn't place where he might've known her from… So, he smiled back, and when he was close enough he asked, "Sorry, how do you know me?" She replied, "I may be mistaken, but I think you might be the father of one of my kids…"

His mind flashed back to the one and only time he'd been unfaithful to his wife. "Christ!" he said, "are you that strip-o-gram I screwed on the pool table in front of all my buddies at my bachelor party, while the girl you were with whipped me raw with some wet celery?" 

 "Not me" she quickly replied, "I'm your son's fifth-grade math teacher…"

* Vindog has been repurposing jokes since 1968