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A Nigerian Instagram Star Famous For Posting His Foreign Cars and Wads Of Cash Is Charged By The Feds With Helping North Korean Hackers Steal $1 Billion

You know that scene in "[Insert any Heist movie ever here]" where they pull off the job and start splitting up the millions and whoever is in charge warns them to chill out, not draw attention to themselves, be smart and hold off on spending until the heat dies down?

I'm pretty sure at least a handful of them warn against this exact Instagram caption, verbatim:

"What y’all think about my new bespoke black badge Rolls-Royce Wraith? Lol."

As long as you work hard and trust in God and aid Kim Jong Un's finest superhackers with $1 billion+ in thefts allegedly, you too can have a Wraith parked in your private jet's hanger without a job, not even one sending out bulk spam emails tricking old people to send you their retirement funds to help you escape your country so you can hand deliver them their fortune.

A Nigerian Instagram star conspired with North Korean hackers to steal more than $1.3 billion from companies and banks in the U.S. and other countries, federal prosecutors said.

Ramon Olorunwa Abbas, 37, also known as “Ray Hushpuppi,” is being accused of helping three North Korean computer hackers steal the funds from companies and banks, including one in Malta, in February 2019, according to the Justice Department.

I mean this is precisely why they say that. Because of Frank Lucas and his chinchilla coat, and because of the Nigerian Influencer who rolls their eyes and doesn't even look up from the open Apple Note he's using to jot down all the big purchases he's going to make the second he gets home. Guys like Ray Hushpuppi. You see one in every crew.

Of course it's not just Mr. Hushpuppi being violated by the long hard dick of the law. Now all those North Koreans who have spent the past 2 years plus being frugal, cooking at home and shopping at Marshall's to stay under the radar — they all have to dig their go-bags out of the crawlspace or submerged in the house water tank and get off the grid as fast as possible. Don't even have time to kiss their perfectly average wife goodbye on their way out of the shitty starter home they just refinanced.  Firmly in the crosshairs all because the Nigerian thumbed his nose at the family business of emails from the Prince's palace and went into the more modernized and lucrative niche industry of Influencer hacking.

Abbas — who has 2.5 million followers on Instagram, where he would post photos of his luxury cars — somehow found time for still more banking-related crimes, the feds say.

Not even royalty and he may have just caused an international incident with Kim Jong himself.

“North Korea’s operatives, using keyboards rather than guns, stealing digital wallets of cryptocurrency instead of sacks of cash, are the world’s leading bank robbers,” Assistant Attorney General John Demers of the Justice Department’s National Security Division said in a statement on Feb. 17.

No idea what the distance of Rocketman's nukes are these days, or any idea whatsoever how far Nigeria is from North Korea even if I did, but I'd just keep my head on a swivel and eye on the sky for a bit if I were a Nigerian.