That Crazy Bastard Daryl Morey Actually Gets It Done And Pulls The Trigger On His Big Draft Day Trade

Jesse D. Garrabrant. Getty Images.

All eyes are going to be on Daryl Morey and the Philadelphia 76ers tonight as the team desperately tries to unload Ben Simmons out of town. The team, the player, and the fans are all #done with it. Everybody is ready to move on, but that doesn't mean D Money is just going to give up all the leverage. Ben Simmons is still under contract for 4 more years and he's still a valuable asset if a team is able to get him to actually develop his game. 

But it's draft night. And if ever there were a time for Daryl Morey to pull the trigger on a big move, it would be today. So this maniac woke up first thing in the morning, got a large coffee and a turkey sausage, egg and cheese sizzli from Wawa (trying to watch his figure), cracked his knuckles, picked up the phone, and went to work. And by god, he did the trade. 

Bang. Pick number 53 for cash considerations. 

Now I know what you're saying. "Cash considerations" sure is a weird way to spell Ben Simmons. And while I'd agree that seeing this Shams tweet come across the TL was a huge letdown, you have to understand what's going on here. 

Think about what Daryl Morey is attempting to do here by pulling off a trade for Ben Simmons. It's like bench pressing 315. Now if you were to bench press 315, you wouldn't walk over to the bench and immediately toss 3 plates on both sides of the bar. You'd be fucked if you did that. So you have to warm up a little first. Maybe you start off with 135. Then you work your way up to 225. Then so on and so forth. But what I'm getting at here is that Daryl Morey just threw a couple of 45lb plates on the bar with this trade. This was a warmup deal to get his day/night going. 

Send a quick 2 mil to New Orleans for a random pick one moment, and the very next he's ready to get Bradley Beal for Ben Simmons player for player. Let this man heat up.