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Lighten the Fuck Up! He Needed His Young, Sexy Wife's Okay Before the Surgery...

Oliver Gutfleisch. Shutterstock Images.

A man woke up in a hospital bed wrapped in bandages from head to toe. The doctor came in and said, “I see you've regained consciousness. You're probably unable to remember, but you were in a six-car pileup on the freeway two days ago. The good news is you're going to be okay and you'll walk again, but something tragic has happened… I'll try and break this to you gently… Your penis was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.” The man looked devastated upon hearing the bad news… 

The doctor continued, “The good news is you've got $9,000 in insurance compensation coming to you and we have the technology to build you a new penis that will work just as well as your old one, better in fact. But, it isn't cheap. It's $1,000 an inch…” 

The color immediately returned to the man's face and he looked encouraged by the good news. “So,” the doctor went on, “it's for you to decide how many inches you want, but in your condition, it's probably best if you discuss it with your wife first. If you had a five-inch one before, and you decide to go for nine inches, she might be a bit intimidated. But, if you had nine inches before, and you decide on five inches, she might be a bit disappointed… In  these types of situations, we believe it's important that the patient's wife plays a role in helping to make this important decision.” The man agreed that it was a good idea and he said he'd speak with his wife first… 

The following morning the doctor knocked and entered the hospital room and after taking some vitals he put on a serious expression, leaned in close, and asked the man, “Have you spoken with your wife?” “I have,” the man replied. “And has she helped you with your decision?” asked the doctor. “She has,” the man said. “And what is it?” the doctor asked in a curious tone… “We're getting a new kitchen…”

* Vindog has been repurposing jokes since 1968