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An Armed Robber Pulled A Knife On A Cashier At A Russian Sex Toy Shop And Immediately Got His Ass Beat By An 18 Inch Double Dildo

Daily Mail- This is the moment a sex shop worker chases a thief out of the store with a long double-ended dildo. CCTV footage from a sex store in the city of Novokuznetsk in the Russian region of Kemerovo Oblast on July 24 shows the saleswoman hitting the 'robber' with a dildo. 

The saleswoman, whose name has not been disclosed, was working late when the masked thief reportedly entered the store and brandished a small knife. The suspect allegedly demanded money from the shop's till but the plucky saleswoman can be seen chasing him off with a large double-ended dildo. 

Apologies to this poor Boris that is probably still licking his wounds from that beatdown, but you GOTTA do a better job scouting out a place you are looking to rob. A sex store is probably a decent place to take down since more people than normal may pay with cash so nobody will see The Pink Army on their credit card statement and you probably aren't going to have to deal with a cashier that looks anything near Zangief.

Giphy Images.

However the one thing you do have to worry when robbing a sex shop is the employees weaponizing of the items in the store. Bringing a knife to a gun fight is one thing, but bringing it to a sex toy fight is just as bad. Think of all the agents of pleasure that can instantly be converted agents of pain with the right flick of the wrist. Whips. Anal Beads. Double dildos. The list goes on and on.

So for all the wannabe Danny Oceans out there, stick to robbing banks and allow double dildos to be used for their natural purpose, as the Daily Mail so elegantly put it:

The large sex toy is designed to be used by two women or by somebody that wants to use it solo.

Obligatory Requiem For A Dream reference: