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One Afternoon At Coastal Carolina Made Me Never Look At A Bottle Of Burnett's Ever Again

My mind was spinning just reading this question. A few come to mind for me personally but there’s one that sticks out above the rest. Fireball is almost too generic of an answer it‘s too easy. I feel like everyone has a bad story with Fireball at some point in their college career. The thought of ripping even one more shot of cinnamon flavored alcohol makes me want to puke. My actual answer however is Burnett’s, specifically pink lemonade flavored. 

I remember stepping on Coastal Carolina‘s campus as a young, spry 17 year old (my birthday is September 24th so i was always the baby of my grade) being ready and willing to see whatever the world was going to throw my way. More than anything I was a New York kid that went to college near Myrtle Beach for one reason and it damn sure wasn’t Coastal Carolina’s rich tradition of academics. I was there to party. If I remember correctly I drank multiple alcoholic beverages everyday for the first 30 days I was on campus. Pretty hardo move by my boys and I to keep track but we all were northeast kids that just wanted to party our faces off. 

When the first football game came around I was ecstatic because I love football but also because it gave me an excuse to consume a large quantity of alcohol. Upon my arrival to Conway, South Carolina I was introduced to a type of vodka called “Burnetts”. It was $7 for a 750 mL bottle and it changed my life for a few months. $7 for a full bottle of vodka?!?! Sign me up!!!! For a kid with a couple nickels to rub together finding the shit that could get you drunkest for the cheapest amount of money was like finding a gold mine. It literally felt like I was stealing. Little did i know they should have been paying me to drink it because Burnetts will give you the worst hangover of your life. My stomach would be in a knot all day the next day until I was able to smoke some weed and get back to normal. 

Anyways, the day of my first football game at college I had my bottle of Burnett‘s the night before in the tuck just waiting to be peeled open and drank. I woke up that morning and immediately poured shots and it was all downhill from there. We were bumping ”All Birds” in my dorm room by Rick Ross and French Montana and the boys were having a time. We made it out to the tailgate which was a big field with tents of different frats and clubs all boozing. I felt like I was in a playground for college kids. Alcohol, music, some of the most beautiful women you’ve ever seen (If you’ve been to Coastal you know, smokeshow central). I was having the time of my life and everyone knows when you’re having fun the alcohol goes down easy. Sometimes too easy. Before I knew it i was WASTED. It got pretty blurry from leaving the tailgate but I somehow made it to the stands of the first game. Coastal Carolina has glowed up sports wise quite a bit since I was there but for the first game of the year even in 2012 they were getting a solid crowd of rowdy, drunk 18-22 years olds. 

Unfortunately on that day I may have been the rowdiest and drunkest of them all. I can’t remember exactly why but I was kicked out of the game at some point in the 2nd quarter so I made my way back to my dorm. The long walk in that South Carolina heat mixed with an entire bottle of pink lemonade Burnetts turns out to be not the best combo because your boy was HURTING. I remember wanting to throw up outside the dorm but there was a bunch of people sitting out front so I tried to make it to my room to puke. Bad idea. I made it not even halfway and threw up all over the stairwell. I had no idea how to approach that situation so I ran up to my dorm room, finished puking in my bathroom and than passed out. It was a day game so it‘s always a weird feeling to wake up at 10 at night hungover as all hell. Being 18 was the best. What a time that was. I feel like that was 4 lifetimes ago. Life was so simple and pure. Drink and smoke your face off while doing just enough school work to not get thrown out of college. Little did I know I’d get thrown out of college 15 months later for being the biggest weed dealer on campus but that’s a story for another day. 

What alcohol from your college days will you never drink again? Drop it in the comments.