You're A Moron If You Aren't Watching USA Rugby At The Olympics

- The United States is very good
- They have some of the fastest players in the world
- The games only last 14 game minutes, 30 real-time minutes
- It is a super easy sport to understand rules-wise

The United States is pretty fucking good at Rugby Sevens. They're also in the Group of Death at the Tokyo Olympics and just qualified (2-0 start) for the knockout stage.

You're a damn fool if you aren't watching this team play!

Before we get into the excitement of the first two matches for the United States, here is a Rugby Sevens rules primer for those new to the sport...

The sport was added to the Olympic program for the Rio 2016 Games and the United States just narrowly missed out on the knockout stage. Since then, though, the country has only gotten better at the sport and found itself ranked as high as number two in the world pre-COVID.

If you aren't convinced yet, just watch some videos of Carlin Isles and Perry Baker...

Nobody in the sport is as fast as Isles, a man who runs a 100m time fast enough to qualify for the Olympic Games in Athletics. Isles, who had a contract with the Detroit Lions in 2013 before leaving for the Glasgow Warriors, also supposedly ran a 4.13 40-yard-dash, which would be the fastest time ever recorded.

Point being, Carlin Isles is the fucking man. But so is Perry Baker…

Perry Baker also broke his fibula only five months before the Games… and yet he is in Tokyo and out on the field with Team USA.

There is really no easier sport to get into for the first time at the Olympic Games as a fan than Rugby Sevens. The rules are straightforward, the United States is really good, and the matches only last 14 total minutes of game time, and around 30 minutes of real-time. Trust me, you'll be hooked.

NOTE: The real Rugby Sevens superfan, and friend of the team, is PFT Commenter, by the way…

So far so good for the Eagles of the United States…

MATCH 1: USA-19, Kenya-14

Things got dicey for the United States in their first match and they found themselves down 14-12 with Kenya walking in for a try to all but seal the deal, however…


What an insane play by Matai Leuta. The tackle and strip stopped the try from Kenya and gave the Americans life late, and they capitalized…

What a finish! Absolute blazing speed from Kevon Williams, who dumped it off to Captain Madison Hughes to complete a wild comeback. I was watching with PFT and, not going to lie, just assumed the dream was dead. The United States wasn't out had they lost, but they would have been in a tough spot.

What an opening match!

MATCH 2: USA-19, Ireland-17

The United States then won early this morning as Perry Baker marked his return with an opening try.

Ireland made it close early in the second half, but the United States pulled away and controlled things with relative ease late. The final 19-17 score was not as close as it appeared.

MATCH 3: United States vs. South Africa at 10:30|9:30c with the match airing live on CNBC. The Eagles don't need to win this match, as they're already through. A win over South Africa would pit them up against Australia or Argentina (the two teams are tied currently, but the Aussies take on the juggernaut New Zealand, while Argentina takes on an inferior South Korean squad), while a loss would have them facing the loser of Fiji (defending Gold Medalists) vs. Great Britain (defending Silver Medalists).


The first knockout match for the United States will either be at 5:00|4:00c, or 5:30|4:30c tomorrow morning, with the semi-final match (POTENTIALLY!) at 10:00|9:00c or 10:30|9:30c later in the evening.

Exciting stuff! Don't miss it!

Shit, give other countries a chance, as well. New Zealand, for example, is 2-0 with combined scores of 84 to 19.

Yeah, they're pretty good.

EDIT: I still don't totally know at all what the fuck I am talked about, but I am learning!