Terrible News, You Can (Almost) Masturbate Yourself To Death

This fellow redefined “mind-blowing sex” after he suffered a life-threatening stroke while repeatedly masturbating. Now, medical experts are saying he’s lucky he escaped the ultimate unhappy ending.

The unnamed “51-year-old right-handed man” from Japan admittedly enjoyed pleasuring himself several times a day, according to the new case study published in the medical Journal Of Stroke and Cerebrovascular Diseases.

However, one explosive self-love session went awry when, after climaxing, the serial stroker was struck down by “thunderclap” headaches and severe vomiting.

Listen, I think we can all say we've been there, right? Halfway through masturbating you feel like you're about to have a stroke, but you don't stop because you just want to cum one more time? This unlucky guy just happened to actually have one. Sometimes you have to tap out and have a little self control. Do you need to cum several times a day? No. Does it feel great? Yes. Is it worth risking your life? Occasionally. 

However, he should thank his lucky stars he didn’t achieve the opposite of a happy ending, as a ruptured brain aneurysm causes “death in 40 percent of cases,” Dr. Baird reported. Meanwhile, two-thirds of survivors are left with a serious neurological deficit.

Be smart next time you're overindulging. YOLO, but it'd be super embarrassing to be found, dead, with your soft dick in your hand.