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A Painful Death From 2,000,000 Scoville Hot Sauce

The producer of Lowering The Bar is attempting to murder me to get to my woman. Classic. More Money, More Problems. Ever since I got The cash, The house, The girl ™ on Barstool vs America, people (haters) have been coming out of the woodwork to claim my cash, my house, and my girl. Even my own good friend and producer of Lowering The Bar, Colin Cooper, tried to stick his hands in the cage while the dog is eating … 

On tomorrow's episode of Lowering The Bar we try the Hot Ones: XXX Last Dab and producer Colin makes it absolutely apparent he is trying to get away with homicide by making my death at the bar look like a content casualty. It's somewhat common knowledge that milk is a great basic liquid to coat the stomach when eating hot food, even better than water. BUT, you know what isn't better than water? Licking a fucking dry paper towel … 

I guess the only thing that works better than milk is just not being a total pussy. Whatever makes the best content. I have a reputation around the office for roping people into participating in diabolically awful stunts, but producer Colin is the devil on my shoulder / the bad cop making sure I don't let anyone at the bar get off easily. If you want to see the last time the office ate hot stuff and Feits pissed himself here is the World's Hottest Gummy Bear …