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Olympic Athletes Will Be Able To Fuck Each Others Brains Out On The Cardboard Beds After All

Much has been said about these sustainable cardboard beds at the Olympics and with good reason. If you've followed the Olympics the last few years, you know that the Olympic villages are basically big sex dens that would make Creed Bratton blush. World class athletes have just been slipping their dicks, tongues, and fingers into any open bodily hole they can find. It's constant sex constantly. The Olympic organizers will have buckets of condoms AND DENTAL DAMS just tossed about in random rooms like it's a jersey shore fun palace. Smush room. Well, with the world experiencing a pandemic and only around 10 percent or less of the Japanese population vaccinated, the organizers didn't want people fucking this year. 

To that end, they made these cardboard beds under the guise that they are sustainable. Psssh. We know what this is about. 

Giphy Images.

People across the internet were up in arms about the lack of dick sucking, anal doin, and vaginal penetration that would be taking place on the world's stage. If you aint fuckin, you aint competin is what many were saying. How can cardboard beds hold the thrusting of the greatest athletes on the planet? They cant. Cardboard is simply weaker than Steele, Lexington or otherwise. 

Turns out, the beds are stronger than we expected. I mean, this Irish bloke is up here jumping up and down and illustrating that even the most complicated and aggressive sexual positions can be accomplished in this village. Yes, before you ask, even the Jeff Bagwell would be safe. 

Ronald Martinez. Getty Images.

The Olympics are trying to get out in front of this thing and acting like they are cool with all the fuckin but can we be sure? Are they just changing their tune amidst the backlash?

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Nice try, Games. You dont want people to fuck and we know it. Dont try to flip the script now. It's not like you were putting bed extenders in the rooms. 

Wait… wait…what? They have those? Maybe they actually do want people fucking.  Incredible.

But if bed extenders aren't enough, the Olympic committee also give some other helpful tips. Im gonna be paying close attention to how folks are using the toilet FYI. You can never be too safe in that regard.