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An Irish Olympian Assures Us the Cardboard Beds WILL, Repeat WILL, Hold Up During Athlete Sex

There's been a lot of consternation around the world about the cardboard beds in Tokyo's Olympic Village and their inability to handle two (or more) bodies at a time. After all, we don't send our most physically fit young adults halfway around the globe just to find out which of them can throw a metal ball the furthest or jump the highest over a bar. We count on them to have a lot of international sex.

When they were first proposed, the inspiration was supposedly environmental. Much less waste goes into making them than a conventional bed and they are 100% recyclable. But then the pandemic hit and Tokyo 2020 was accused of making these cheap, flimsy cereal boxes as part of a plot to see to it they won't have to deal with the spread of viruses from the athletes doing any private pole vaulting, so to speak. It's an accusation the organizers addressed way back in the early days of the outbreak:

And now, thanks to a gymnast from my ancestral homeland, we can rest easy. The Olympic organizers were not lying to us. And Ireland's Rhys McClenaghan has the video evidence to prove it. 

OK, maybe not the video proof you were looking for, but pretty definitive nevertheless. I mean sure, you might argue that this isn’t an accurate test. But what I don’t know about gymnast sex could fill the library. Maybe this is the way they do it. And in fairness, not all athletes are the same. I’m guessing that it would take about six gymnast to make up the weight of four hammer thrower‘s or 3.5 weightlifters. But still, as fans of the world getting together and doing massive amounts of boning should be able to take comfort in knowing that Tokyo has provided them the means to carry on while saving the planet. In that way