Americans have been locked inside for a year and a half and now no one knows how to act at a basketball game. Last night after the Nets mollywhopped the Celtics at the Boston Garden to take a 3-1 lead in the series, a Celtics fan threw a bottle of water at Kyrie Irving as he was walking into the locker room.
Fortunately, the scumbag got caught and won’t ever see a Celtics game in the Boston Garden ever again. After this already being the third incident in this playoffs alone involving fans mistreating players from the crowd, it got me to thinking how desperately America needs “Pros vs Joes” back. It would be MUST WATCH TV to see Russell Westbrook face off in a series of athletic events against the guy that dumped popcorn on his head. Imagine the look on that poor schleps face as he’s looking across a boxing ring from 6‘4 220 pound aggressive ass Russell Westbrook who absolutely despises him and wants nothing more than to smash his face in with no crowds or security to stop him? Now that’s some content right there. Kyrie Irving might not be the most physically imposing person but 6’2 200 pounds is still bigger than the average joe and I guarantee the little 21 year old twerp throwing water bottles at Kyrie wants absolute 0 smoke face to face.
I’m petitioning that anyone who gets arrested at a game for mistreating a player should have a one day Pros vs Joes competition with the player they assaulted. In my vision for the show it starts off slow with everyone’s bread and butter, basketball.
They play games of 1 on 1 to 21 by 1s where they can spend as much time as they like playing prison rules basketball like Michael Irvin in the longest yard. Crossing over, spitting on and violently dunking on their opponents until their ankles are permanently in a pretzel. Shoving them into steel poles until their mouth bleeds and their jaws break is not only allowed but encouraged.
For activity number two they have to catch passes over the middle while Russell Westbrook plays a Kam Chancellor like safety coming down hill repeatedly and hitting them so hard over and over again they wished they had just served more time in jail.
Last but certainly not least, boxing. “Keep that same energy you had when you were dumping that popcorn on my head, bitch ass!” Westbrook yells as he’s got the guy in the corner of the ring mauling him with a borage of punches until he’s unconscious without a referee in site to stop the bout.
I think I just wrote the blue print for a multi million dollar show right there. Someone needs to make this happen. America needs it now more than ever.