I Owe The Paperboy A Sincere Apology

Giphy Images.

I believe this is the lone surviving gif from one of the great OG Nintendo games and I'm disgusted I have to talk about it so morbidly. This blog is about taking public and personal accountability for a glaring fuck up. We picked video game characters on this week's Snake Draft and I regret to inform you Paperboy is nowhere to be found. I won't spoil any picks or subsequent honorable mentions but it's worth noting to the diehards that there will be no Paperboy discussion this week. Not even a hat tip at the end while rifling through the Best of Rest which is downright unacceptable. Paperboy was an outstanding entry level video game. 

For starters let's talk INNOVATION. That screen is moving at a 45 degree angle folks. Contra owned side to side. Galaga was north and south. Paperboy came over the top and made you feel the dimensions. This was groundbreaking stuff. 

Then you had the carnage. Long before Grand Theft Auto introduced public destruction, there was the Paperboy throwing fastballs through the bay window, running over lawn decorations and fucking with the local dog. Maybe not the thrill-seeking stuff that makes GTA so special but it was baby steps in the right direction. People forget Paperboy paved the way. 

And then staying power. This was a game in the same breath as Mario, Zelda and Duck Hunter. It was basically part of the beginners package for owning a Nintendo. Anyone worth their shit logged time on Paperboy and that means something. It was different. It was unique. You passed the controller around looking for high scores. It was a great game. 

Unfortunately we didn't say one word about it this week. We certainly get into so many games and moments and memories from childhood but at no point does Paperboy come up. That's an overwhelming mistake and I would like to formally apologize with this blog. 

And truth be told, I don't even know how you beat the game. I remember just delivering papers until you get to the race course with the ramps and you get to do all the sick jumps. That transition doesn't really make any sense but it's still bad ass. Delivering papers then right to the BMX track for some bonus points and big air. That's a good paper route.

Credit to us for still putting on a competitive snake draft. MRAGS is a wagon even if he doesn't know the difference between Gameboy and Gateway. 

Paperboy and Gateway. I'm definitely being that guy so let me shut up and direct you to to Barstool Chicago YouTube. You can watch all the drafts on video.