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Protect Summer by Willie Colon

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Normally I'm a big fan of minding my own fucking business, If I happen to be sitting in a crowded restaurant with the fellas talking shit and telling stories, I concentrate on living in the moment. When I'm enjoying a delicious meal with my wife and shooting funny insults at each other, I silently say to myself thank you lord for my best friend. my wife on the other hand is a ear hustler.  I also make a serious effort not to pick up my phone or worry about stupid things I can't control while I'm enjoying a dirty martini and tomahawk steak. I have learned you have to let life be and control what you can control.  Today as I parked my car and exited the garage. I realized I didn't have my ear pods, Music changes my mood. I try to keep  a vibe where ever I go.   Even tho I wasn't in a bad mood.  My morning was  pretty chill. I got up this morning hit the gym forced my muscle to in swole mode, came home changed a diaper, made breakfast for my mother-in-law and Queen Then coasted into HQ. 

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As I turned the corner on 30th and 7th I ended up stuck behind a group of guys walking down the street, they look like they could be  branch managers at T- Mobile.  I overheard these Hard seltzers drinking, Patagonia wearing,  power rangers.  talking about their weekend plans as we get to the end of the block. two women were preparing to cross the street, heading in our direction.  Now on a scale from 1-10 we were looking at 2 fives, however, the score cranked up once I notice the sloppy bun brunette was wearing a teal blue sundress and slides . with the puppies perk up and she wasn't wearing bra. Her girlfriend next to her happened to be wearing a mint-colored loose-fitted dress as well she was looking solid as well. as we passed these two women, I can overhear one of these dorks, mumble under their breath sun dresses are overrated. And at that very moment, I realized these bedwetting beta males are trying to ruin summer. I was flabbergasted. they continued and I simply walked into HQ stunned at what I heard. 

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With summer steadily coming upon us, I'm calling out to all my masculine, gorilla back, cheeseburgers eating, big belly, dry hand jerking, blue-collar alpha males to unite. as a community of one, we can't let these Fortnite, Pho-eating, beta males. throw smut on Sundresses. We have survived the cold winters,  put up with wearing masks, endured the Kardashians dismantling the NBA.  The King tiger became a conversation piece across kitchen tables across America, that should tell you what type of hell we have been living in.  Let's protect the things that make summer fucking amazing.  Here are my top five things we must protect this summer

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1) Sundresses: For a Married man this like watching soft porn in live-action. for some of us this all we have

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2) Hotdogs: Mystery meat from street carts still hit.

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3. Save your Bro: Don't allow your best friend to be snuggled up on a beach towel with his girl all summer. it's time to ride 

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4. Don't be ashamed to have a Beer in your hand. leave the Hard Seltzer to the ladies. I'm from the era of '40s and Boomboxes bring that back
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5. Fat is Beautiful: Abs are overrated, Don't fat shame, it's too late for your summer body. that should of Happen in April. Live free and fat..  wear whatever the hell you want. You're gorgeous 

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Summer is here, Don't let the cancel culture, beta males, or politicians take our summer away. summer is awesome. let's get out, get drunk, and spread love.


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