Okay listen here you perverts. Listen up good. There's been a LOT of slander about me being "incredibly horny" recently. I've been getting bonked so much I have Terry Schaivo mashed potato brains. I can't even remember my own name at this point and am eating mush through a tube. The truth is, everything you've heard about me just isn't fair. I'm not any hornier than Ed or Chief. I'm normal horny; the only difference is is that I speak frankly and with my heart. It's something more people should take part in. It'll make you feel much better about yourselves. I'm an open book and hide NOTHING.
What I said about this music video...
...Is exactly what every last one of yous were thinking to yourselves when you first saw it. 80 grade tits making a bee line for Cooperstown. What's so bad about saying that out loud if everyone and their mother is thinking it? Just because I verbalized my thoughts and didn't keep them to myself doesn't mean those thoughts aren't shared with the masses. That's exactly why I told the horny police to fuck themselves when they pointed their Fred Flinstone club at me and screamed, "sir, get your hand off your dick!!!" when they tried to arrest me. It's as simple as that.
But then we get to Christina Aguilera's "Dirrty" music video. There were a lot of people SHOCKED I didn't draft it because I'm the "horny" guy even though I'm just normal horny. Want my honest opinion this music video? I didn't draft it because it's just too dirty for me. Take a look for yourself:
She's spread eagle half the video and dry humping a bunch of people in a cage. That is WAY too dirty for my prude ass. It's completely uncouth, if we're being honest. I mean are you kidding me with this Xtina??? This should be on PornHub, not YouTube. I cannot believe there isn't an age filter on this video - there's undoubtedly a bunch of 10 year olds watching this learning the ins and outs of sex and the women's body from it. Disgusting. Get this shit off the internet right now!!!
Oh but because I'm 32 (of age to watch this lewd and salacious video) I'll just say that Xtina has a fantastic ass and I learned that from watching this video on loop via downloading it on Limewire over the course of an entire school day back when I was like 13 years old. But it's just too much for me. Try comparing this filth to the art that is Em Rat's tits in blurred lines, you can't.
That's the only pick I'm going to give away on this week's Snake Draft. Go and listen to the show!!!