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I Have Bumped The Giants Entire Draft Class Down A Full Letter Grade After Seeing Their Jersey Numbers

Motherfuckerrrrrrrrr. Just as the entire NFL world got done sucking off Trader Dave for swindling the everliving shit out of the Bears and getting a gaggle of players that the mock drafters loved, we get the numbers and completely ruin all that good juju. 

My biggest problem comes with the Giants first round pick. Not that I don't like Kadarius Toney. I love him! I could watch his highlights for hours on end, which I have literally been doing for weeks. But putting a number like 89 on a player that can do shit like this is like putting a Ferrari engine in a monster truck.

I guess the idea of a suped up monster truck seems pretty sweet but it just doesn't make sense. Yeah yeah yeah, I know that Steve Smith and Santana Moss were small, fast guys that wore 89. But I'm pretty sure Steve Smith has put a hex on the Giants since his arch-nemesis Dave Gettleman is the GM and there are no good Moss vibes in the Giants building after Sinorice laid an egg for them for years while Santana may still be playing for Washington for all I know. 

I like to tell myself that the Giants waited this long to announce the rookie numbers because they were trying to negotiate with Ray Flaherty's family to unretire number so they could give it to Toney, who would promptly break every receiving record in NFL history thanks to his physical skills being powered by the fastest number in sports. Instead he gets a bad ass number in Big Blue history for a guy who used to do shit like this

Shout out Kevin Boss' 45 yard catch in the Super Bowl too. I will also fully admit that if Kadarius Toney does any shit like this in 89, I will convince myself he is the evolutionary Steve Smith Sr.

As for the rest of the numbers, I guess 51 can be a decent edge rushing number for Ojulari. It's not elite but it can be sleek on the right type of player, which I think he is (think Osi rocking 72). 

- I don't love Elerson Smith wearing 58 since that should be worn by a Big Blue tackling machine like Carl Banks and Antonio Pierce, not a pass rusher with concerns stopping the run. 

- I outright HATE number 33 on Aaron Robinson. 33 is the guy who is a step late and causing the safeties to clean up his mess. 

- There's no chance Brightwell makes it off special teams and goal line packages with number 37, which I am perfectly fine with. We can't have 6th rounders taking up our good numbers. 

- I lowkey love Rodarius Williams choosing 25 though because that's how old he will be when the Giants season kicks off, which I think is the most talked about thing about him outside of being Greedy Williams brother.

- I have no beef with Brett Heggie wearing 6 or Jake Burton wearing 70. But you can't give Raymond Johnson number 91. I don't care if it's for preseason, training camp, or just rookie picture day. When Madden gave the DE I drafted in the 1st round number 91, I yanked it off him before the virtual ink was even dry. There are numbers that should be retired, numbers that should be available, and numbers that should be available but not really available. Number 91 falls into that third bucket for me, especially after Robert Ayers was essentially Fake Justin Tuck during his time with the G-Men (with Andre Williams being Fake Ahmad Bradsaw, which pissed me off even more). Have some respect!

That dude's body still confuses me til this day

The one bright side to all this is how the Giants wrapped up their jersey announcement.

It's the offseason, which means there is a ton of training camp fodder and potential practice squad guys taking up some good numbers. So there is definitely a chance these rooks are a lot faster come Week 1 vs. the Broncos. But until then, I'm officially worried about the 2021 Giants draft class.


*subject to change