LADBIBLE- The boss of an adult entertainment company offers her employees half hour daily masturbation breaks after finding they had become 'agitated' during lockdown. Erika Lust, boss of Erika Lust Films, is hoping to 'normalise' masturbation by allowing her 36 members of staff a half-hour masturbation break every day and has even set up a private 'masturbation station' at the office.
The filmmaker decided to offer the break after noticing her staff were 'agitated' and 'performing with less energy' during the pandemic. She launched the initiative to coincide with Masturbation Month, which is May, but plans to allow staff to make the most of the extra 30-minute break for the rest of the year.
"With the pandemic and the huge shift in how we live our lives, I began to notice that my employees had become somewhat agitated and were performing with less energy than before.
"So, knowing that there's only one thing that will make everyone feel good, I've set up a private masturbation station for them to enjoy."
Look at the porn industry once again being the home of modern innovation and solving modern problems with modern solutions! We've all been cooped inside our houses for a year, allowed to do whatever we wanted to ourselves whenever the Zoom camera wasn't on and now we are supposed to just go back to normal at the drop of the hat? Fuuuuuuck that. The human body doesn't work like that. It's a programmed instrument. If your loins start figuratively start salivating like Pavlov's pooches at 11 AM because that was your special little time during quarantine, you must feed them!
rereads last sentence
OK, that was kind of weird but the point stands! Smokers get their breaks as do people that need to eat, drink, or hit the bathroom. Why shouldn't there be a designated to drop some seed/lady seed as well? Some of the clearest thoughts and best ideas come during that refractory period when your soul is truly content since it is not looking to procreate as humans have been programmed to do since we were trying to keep our species alive while running away from wooly mammoths.
Why do you think Barstool became the power it became back in the day before we had businesses climbing to pour money into us? Big brains and great work ethics from the OGs? I suppose that didn't hurt. But they could also crack stick whenever they wanted to in the comfort of their own home while the rest of old sports media was sitting together in cubes full of stress and baby formula!
Sorry, we had to take a timeout to stop everyone from thinking about the people who built Barstool rubbing one out.
Anyway, making a place for your employees to unwind while watching The Hub and taking out their aggression out on themselves will make for a very productive workplace. I don't think you even have to worry about the usual sticks in the mud from departments like accounting or the All Biz Pete's of the world complaining about it because those are the people that need to let an O-bomb fly more than anybody. Plus I think it's against the law to complain about an idea if it has a great name like Masturbation Station.
As with anything in work life, there are a few simple rules that will need to be established so everyone can still get their work done:
1. The Masturbation Station Is A BYOD (Bring Your Own Device) Zone
I don't care how many people are washing their hands or how many tubs of sanitizer are laying around the office. We don't need to be sharing germs or DNA at work, especially after a goddamn pandemic.
2. No Volume Allowed In The Masturbation Station
I get that porn is more than just a one sense sensation. But I don't think anybody wants to hear the kind of shit their coworkers are getting their rocks off too while crushing spreadsheets and nobody will be getting any work done as they line up for their turn in the Masturbation Station if they hear this song once every five minutes.
Actually you know what? I'll give three bars of volume just to keep things moving since some people probably NEED it (while people who live in mixed company can make due with not an ounce of sound).
3. Time Limit
Just like with any other break you take at work, you have to be respectful to your coworkers and your time card. I respect a good deep dive when you aren't sure what you are in the mood for in the privacy of your own home. But you can't go down to the elephant graveyard that is the double digit pages of Pornhub while someone is paying you. Just play the hits and get about your work day. You can search for new and wondrous things once your are off the clock.
To be clear, I don't want Barstool installing any of these Masturbation Stations at HQ because those savages can't even keep a fucking kitchen clean despite there being a well known mouse problem and there are wayyyyy too many cameras placed around that office, which definitely could end up with us getting sued for violating some sort of constitutional privacy law based on what one of those cameras may catch, which will no doubt lead to the downfall of Barstool that has been prophecized by our critics for almost two decades.