I saw this tweet come across my desk this morning and it made me both mad and sad. ICYMI, apparently Bryce Harper is "hockey tough" because he left the game after getting hit in the face with a fastball:
It made me mad because it's just not true and I pride myself on being a man of gumption and integrity; it made me sad because we've evolved as a country to the point where a dude can't take a 97MPH projectile to the shnozz and stay in the game anymore. Back when I was a 2x DuPage County all area catcher in HS, you'd have to have been camped out beyond the CF fence and shoot me in the face with a .50 cal sniper rifle for me to leave the game. If Bryce Harper is "hockey tough", then hockey is a sport of nothing but soft BITCHES.
It's a real shame, though we do have it in us as a people to get back to our tough American roots. I will prove that now.
All you have to do is rewind back to the year 2010. Paul Konerko, American Hero, is at the dish against that wound tight Australian cunt Grant Balfour. If you don't remember Balfour, he threw some cheddar. In 2010, he averaged 93.5MPH on his fastball, per Fangraphs. He was a really good middle reliever for a hot minute. Definitely someone you would NOT want to take a fastball to the kisser off of.
But that's what Paul Konerko did.
Wore it like a CHAMP. Stayed in the game, didn't have to go through some pussy ass concussion protocol, then proceeded to go yard his next plate appearance. That, my friends, is "hockey tough". Not taking a fastball to the face, walking to first base wondering if you're going to die, begging for sympathy from the world because you got a little boo boo, then accepting all the sympathy when you get it.
It's disgusting what Bryce Harper did. Makes me want to vomit, and it's exactly why I bean him every time I face him in The Show:
Need to toughen him up. Show him how a man would take a bean ball back in my day. Just gotta rub some dirt on it and head to first and if you feel so inclined, go and try to impale the pitcher with your bat.
It's really not difficult, Bryce. And if you're a fan of hockey and consider what he did "hockey tough", then you need to grow a nutsack too. FUCK YOU