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The New York Mets Owe Jacob deGrom An Apology For Blowing Last Night's Game, A Thank You Note For Not Murdering Anyone The Last Few Years, And A Nice Fruit Basket For His Troubles

New owner, new season, same old dogshit result for the best pitcher in baseball that leads to mindblowing stats like this being tweeted out:

Pain. Assault. Whatever other singular word you want to describe absolute trauma taking place. Jacob deGrom deals, rakes, and does it all for an absolute bargain. Yet all the Mets do is fuck him over for it (a special hat tip to last night's dogshit umpire who formed a lethal combo with the Mets bullpen). He truly is the Shortstop on the Little League team that is better at baseball than everyone else that just so happens to still be doing it in the Major Leagues.

I'm not even going to get too upset about giving deGrom the hook at 77 pitches as he was completely bamboozling the Phils because all that would've done was remove Miguel Castro's shutout inning from the ledger. Trevor May and Aaron Loup had to take care of business and they didn't. Flat out. Dom Smith not pinch hitting for Kevin Pillar and potentially blowing open the game in the 4th instead of Pillar grounding into a double player is another thing people are harping on. But again, the goddamn BULLPEN NEEDS TO TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS AS DOES THE DEFENSE, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S TWO OF OUR BEST DEFENDERS! WE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO RIDE THE FAMILIACOASTER LAST NIGHT YET I STILL WAS VOMITING ALL OVER MYSELF!!!

Okay, I just had to get that out. The fact Opening Day is the biggest deal for the sport with the longest season is stupid anyway, doubly so when it's not even on Opening Day. If anything, Jacob deGrom may be the person to finally kill the Wins stat for pitchers once and for all, which some might say would trump any on-field accomplishment of the last decade if not our lifetime. Last night was the first game of the rest of our lives with Uncle Stevie as owner. And while I would've loved to get that marvelous man a W in his first game, being the best Opening Day team in baseball hasn't exactly done shit for the Mets. 

As for my fellow 96ers, this is just a minor setback for a major comeback. We now have 161 chances to win 96. Believe it and it will happen.

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