A Front-Running Third Grader Asked Lane Kiffin to Recruit Him as a Fan Because He Doesn't Want to Be a Tennessee Fan Anymore

I really didn't want to have to talk shit about a third grader today, but sometimes you just have to do what needs to be done. If I won't say it, who will?

This kid could learn a thing or two about perseverance. Is being a Tennessee fan fun, Landon? Hell no, it's not fun. But you know what else isn't fun? Giving a third of your money to the government. And you're gonna have to do that when you grow up, so you may as well learn that life sucks before everybody else.

I have generally been a proponent of the transfer portal, because it has allowed many student-athletes to pursue great opportunities when their first choice doesn't work out. But I think we really need to ask ourselves what we're teaching our children when we have 8-year-olds entering the "fan transfer portal" and just jumping ship to Alabama or Ole Miss because it's more fun.

I will say that our friend Landon here is at least pretty smart, because he enlisted the help of one of college football's greatest "me" guys — and one who already knows a thing or two about ditching the University of Tennessee when another opportunity came along — for his vanity project.

I guess they just don't make 'em like they used to. Back in my day, you sat in Neyland Stadium and watched Alabama and Florida  — and even Vandy when I was in school — kick your ass and you just prayed that things would one day get better and they never do. And that builds character.

But now the generation that just follows LeFraud around from team to team wants to jump ship after some recruiting violations and a dozen or so shitty seasons in a row. Well don't let the door hit ya on the way out, Landon. Go enjoy your fun football that you didn't earn and can't genuinely enjoy because it was fraudulently conceived.

While I do believe the stories of the 1990s and the dominance of Tennessee football are elaborate deep fakes and a prank on those of us too young to know better, I also believe in a little thing called "integrity." Landon could use a little bit of that in his life. I'll still be here decked out in orange as long as it takes, damn it.