This Guy's Response To A Chick With A Boyfriend Trying To Use Tinder For Free Pizza Is Too Perfect

pizza

 

I don’t know what floors me more: That the Tinder Games “chicks trying to get a pizza for free from dudes” thing is still happening or that this girl HAS A BOYFRIEND and thinks this is a good idea. That guy is under obligation to feed you shit if you’re allowing him to blow loads anywhere in or around you, that’s the trade-off. If he’s not feeding you and you’re that hard up, then you’re slinging that pussy elsewhere and the cycle begins again. But expecting some other asshole to buy you food over a dating app…are you kidding me? I don’t know anything about this chick and presumably never will but she’s top 10 most hateable people ever, somewhere in the neighborhood of Toby Flenderson and Hitler and I want nothing but the worst for her. Good for this guy taking her down a peg, bad on some other dude for definitely caving and sending her Papa John’s.

 

And so begins another week of the Internet’s most beloved Tinder blog. As always, thanks to everyone submitting things — a lot of chicks sent stuff in this week so hooray for diversity and mocking people together — keep sending me yours on Twitter (DMs are open for your confidentiality) and now let’s make with the Tinding.

 

 

1st

 

8wowhpoX.jpg_large

As awful as this sounds, I appreciate 1) Her putting it all out there up front and 2) Not showing us the babies or her pregnant belly. It’s all I ask (via Dubya)

 

jr

This is what happens when you give a Jezebel reader pot, it’s like feeding a Mogwai after midnight (via jr)

 

whoops

Bold move, Jessica. Real bold move.

 

adam

The irony is I bet most of the younger guy’s she’s targeting don’t even get the Stifler’s mom reference (via adam)

 

shekel

Kimberly is so worldly for an 18-year-old even though her labia might sound like someone in an Adidas track suit when walking down a hallway (via shekel)

 

sexter

Somewhere an advocate for an Asian group just committed a ritualistic samurai suicide (via sexter)

black-dude

No matter which of the two girls this is if her friend sees this she is legitimately going to be murdered (via black dude)

 

aam

Dating this chick is like getting a two for one deal on a horse and a hippo (via AAM)

 

dubes

(via Dubes)

 

mickey

Unless you’re a big bidet guy this should probably be bye Felicia (via Mickey)

 

notorious

Tayelor spelling her name like that means that quote was probably drunkenly shouted at her by her mom when she was nine years old (via Notorious)

 

dylan

The hottest part of this bio: Her positive outlook (via dylan)

 

TOC

The rent for a strip club in Low Standards City must be very affordable (via TOC)

 



 

tk

These do not sound like lesser standards, Mika, not one bit (via tk)

 

dodge

And now we know why there’s a Barstool Iowa (via Dodge)

 

bs

If she had a crying emoji or three in here she’d be the Tinder embodiment of Black Twitter (via BS)

 

barstoolnate

Sometimes you’ve got to be willing to call a girl’s bluff (via BarstoolNate, who definitely prays nightly for a match with her)



tc

Weird moves, weird one-piece bathing suit tan lines, still would even after the aforementioned BM (via tc)

 

br

If men out there have any self-respect this would be the first girl ever with zero matches on Tinder (via BR)

 

 

sammie

Your competition for the week is redefining the “Guy who tries to be a feminist to attract women” game (via Sammie, who despite her boy name is hot and probably loves porn)

lv

The caps lock, 1975 dirty joke book, and wedding band combo is an instant panty dropper tho (via lv)

 

allie

For the woman who’s dreamed of the rare Eiffel Tower/Carl Weathers and Arnold Schwarzenegger Predator homoerotic handshake combo platter (via allie)

 

saraquel

I’m undecided as to if I love or hate the move of referring to your dick in the third person as “The Big Horse” (via Saraquel)

 

kyle

Responds hilariously to drugs and screenshots Barstool for her Tinder profile, treat this girl right fellas (via Kyle)

 

joeda

Turned out she just needs an oil change, vagina ownership can be tricky (via Joeda)

 

 

hc

Easily the most honest butt stuff-related Tinder bio around (via HC)

 

pj

If your pull-out game is more than likely strong, sounds like a match (via pj)

 

ds

She’s like a modern day Spice Girl, only with way less sanitary breath (via ds)

 

sr

Aaaand that right there is why not Zoidberg (via sr)

 
 

And onto the hot and NSFWish ones…

 

 

whet

(via whet)

jmc

Heart-shaped sunglasses: Does anal (via JMC)

 

cg

If we’re being honest, I’d like to know which titties we’re offering up here first (via cg)

 

ah

(via ah)

 

sg

Say what you will but I’ll always respect the hell out of a hot size queen (via SG)

 

james

See above (via James)

 

kimbo

(via Kimbo)

 

stephen

Not a mindblowing ass or anything but the confidence here makes it move (via Stephen)

 

ol-dirty

(via Ol Dirty)

 

KA

God bless cheerleaders for their ongoing sacrifices (via KA)

 

tp

If you have a naked photo as your Tinder profile pic, I’m open to overlooking your/you’re errors. That’s called being equitable (via tp)

 

And this week’s NSFW cherry on top is a girl who seems to have accidentally shown her rack, whoops indeed. Thanks for reading, send me your funny, hot, or absurd screenshots on Twitter, and happy swiping!