So we all know that I'm a big advocate for shower naps. And when I say "all" I actually mean most. For the uninformed, I love to take naps in the shower when I'm hungover. It's simple; all you do is turn all the lights out, crank the shower as hot as you can handle it, and close your eyes while lying on the floor of the shower while the rain falls on you and you steam yourself out in the pitch black. You get out of the shower feeling 1 billion times better than before you got in it. If you haven't tried this, don't talk shit - just trust me on this one.
This process takes me about 45 mins to 1 hour.
Well Sunday night I recently discovered a miracle hangover food…. eh, drink. You ever see those clickbait ads that say there's been a miracle food that can make you shed all of your fat and get all yoked up in a matter of days that's accompanied by a pic of some super exotic looking plant? What I'm about to divulge isn't too dissimilar from those ads, but the difference is is that it's been right under our nose this whole time. Readily available at the click of a button.
"WSD, you fat slob that wants to bang a cartoon lion even though you clearly just said she gave the "fuck me" eyes to Simba in that one scene where the two are romping around in the jungle but I'll keep not using my brain and just assume you meant anything other than that because I'm a lemming who follows the leader, just get to the goddamn miracle elixir!!!"
Fine. You ready for this? Brace yourselves
Horchata. Now, everyone knows Mexican food is the shit and that's just a fact of life, but if you're hungover and getting some Mexican delivered to you to cure said hangover, you should never NOT order Horchata. I did this for the first time on Sunday and have been thinking about it since. I pounded it in one chug and my hangover was gone. Diseased. It ceased to exist.
To those who are unaware, Horchata is basically this super light, super sugary milky cinnamon water drink served on ice. It looks like this:
And it's fucking delicious.
Looks bland as fuck, but it's far from it. It's a mixture of love, happiness and taste that zaps a hangover the moment it touches your lips. I can't believe it's taken me 32 years to discover this miracle hangover cure, but better late than never. I wanted you all to know this as I know 95% of you dickheads reading this suffer from hangoveritis as badly as I do. We're in this fight together; next time you're hungover just get a nice fat burrito with the largest Horchata that your Mexican joint of choice has to offer and I promise you, you will not regret it and you will no longer be hungover.
This was a PSA.