Let The Record Show That There Has Never Been An Incident Of Shrimp Ending Up In A Box Of Raisin Bran, The Thinking Man's Cereal

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As I'm sure you've all seen by now, Cinnamon Toast Crunch is currently on the hot seat for thinking it would be a good and delicious idea to add a few shrimp tails into their cereal. If there's one complaint I've constantly been hearing about cereals, it's that there's not enough of a seafood element involved in any of the major brands. Toss some salmon in my Honey Nut Cheerios. Let me get a nice tilapia filet to go with my Cocoa Puffs. Lucky Charms? You can sub out the marshmallows for some scallops, please and thank you. 

So the story is naturally going viral for the absurdity of the situation, which makes sense. But can we talk about the real story here. Let's dig deeper and by dig deeper, I mean just look at the dude's Twitter profile picture. 

Sir, what are you doing ripping a fat bag of Cinnamon Toast Crunch at your age in the first place? Is it a delicious treat when they hold the shrimp? Of course it is. But maybe this was the universe telling you that it's time to switch over to Raisin Bran or something that isn't quite as sugary as CTC. I just feel like Cinnamon Toast Crunch isn't necessarily overrated, but it sure as shit gets an disproportionate amount of hype compared to other cereals out there that are honestly better. 

Take Raisin Bran for example. First off, there has never been a recorded incident of shrimp tails ended up in a box of Raisin Bran. Or at least none that I'm aware of. But where CTC tries to win games with flash, Raisin Bran is that seasoned veteran. That team that has been there before and they know how to handle the moment. A cereal that might not put up ridiculous highlights every night but they've figured out their game plan and they stick to it with perfection. The sexiest cereal in the world? For sure not. But if we're looking for consistency. If we're looking for a cereal that you can enjoy for breakfast, lunch and dinner without hesitation? A cereal that will always be there at the end of the season because that's just what they do? I'm taking Raisin Bran 7 days a week. CTC fizzles out in a 7-game series against the GOAT. Plain and simple.