Allow Randy Moss Telling the Tale of the 'Disgusting Act' That Triggered Joe Buck Be the Highlight of Your Day
Ah, 2005. What a time to be alive. Jack Bauer was saving the world in real time every week. Brad Pitt was dumping Jennifer Aniston for Angelina Jolie. Tom Cruise was jumping on Oprah's couch. A young Dave Portnoy had asembled a group of three amateurs willing to write columns for his free newspaper hoping some day it might turn into a thing. A time of hope and wonder, where anything seemed possible. From Carrie Underwood winning "Idol" to the wars in the Middle East ending to one of the greatest athletes of all time giving one of the top broadcasters the vapors over a simple fake mooning.
It's hard to believe that 100 or so years after Ty Cobb was beating up handicap people and 25 years after three Boston Bruins climbed over the glass at Madison Square Garden to beat a Rangers fan with his own shoe, that Moss' little bit of broad physical comedy could make Joe Buck throw the back of his wrist across his forehead and flop onto his fainting couch. But that clip is all the proof you need. I guess it was a more innocent time. I mean, it's hard to imagine in an era where Cardi B. and Megan Thee Stallion are scissoring on prime time network TV that we'd be capable of any broadcaster having an episode over something like a pretend pants drop.
I mention it because long time (1979-89) Vikings quarterback Tommy Kramer posted two short videos where Moss spins his version of this epic yarn.
Part I: The Badgers Cast the First Stone:
Part II: Ten White Asses Over the Hill
Sweet mother of god. I won't even transcribe any part of this because it would be like posting the sheet music to a magnificent symphony. What would be the point? Some things you just need to hear in order to truly experience.
Has there ever been a more misunderstood athlete ever than Rand University? It's hard to fathom now, but this is a guy who dropped in the draft thanks to one of the worst reputations of any player of the '90s. Was considered a clubhouse carcinogen. Was called selfish and a coach-killer and worse. But tell me you wouldn't take this guy on your team, even with half his talent. Never mind your team, tell me you wouldn't trade any of your friends to have him hanging around your firepit, telling stories like this. For sure there's not a man, woman or child among us who wouldn't much rather spend time with Moss than any of the grey, humorless, pathetic, soulless creatures who got so upset about his hijinks, on or off the field, during his legendary career.
I'm glad Moss finally got the broadcast job he deserves. But what we need now is a reality show. Just follow him around, unscripted, and let's just hear him bullshit with former players. It would be bigger than all the "Real Housewives" and all the "Keeping Ups" combined. Somebody make it happen.